Proudboys.UK Boldly Expands Into Foreign Affairs, Demands China Return Eileen Gu, Deploys Trevor From Basildon as Shadow Foreign Secretary
By Bohiney Magazine Editorial Board | February 24, 2026
BASILDON — In a seismic shift that has shaken the foundations of British geopolitics, Proudboys.UK — previously known for its work defending masculine honour from the threat of successful women, functioning central heating, and salads — has announced its formal expansion into international affairs.
The announcement came via a 47-slide PowerPoint presentation titled Britain’s Time To Lead Again: A Strategic Vision for Western Lads, delivered by Trevor Higginbottom, 47, of Basildon, to an audience of eleven men in a pub function room above a Wetherspoons. Two left early to catch the darts.
“We’ve been too focused on domestic matters,” declared Trevor, adjusting his St George’s Cross baseball cap. “The lads are ready to go global. We’ve got opinions about China. We’ve got opinions about skiing. We’ve got opinions about swimsuits. It’s time the world heard them.”
The world, reached for comment, asked if it could call back.
“Diplomacy is the art of saying ‘nice doggie’ while looking for a stick. Trevor skipped straight to the stick.” — Billy Connolly
The Eileen Gu Crisis: Proudboys.UK Demands Extradition
The group’s inaugural foreign policy position is a formal demand that China return Eileen Gu to the United States, despite Gu being neither a prisoner, a stolen artefact, nor in any apparent need of rescuing.
Gu, the San Francisco-born freestyle skier who has won six Olympic medals representing China at the 2022 Beijing and 2026 Milan-Cortina Games, has reportedly not responded to Proudboys.UK‘s extradition notice, which was posted on Telegram and received fourteen reactions, three of which were from bots.
“She’s one of ours,” insisted Trevor, who has never been to California, cannot name China’s capital without Googling, and once confused Shenzhen with Shenandoah. “She was trained by America. She was born in America. She belongs to America. She just doesn’t know it yet because she’s too busy earning $23.1 million a year and graduating from Stanford to notice us.”
Proudboys.UK‘s newly appointed Shadow Foreign Secretary — also Trevor — has drafted a strongly worded letter to the Chinese embassy. It has not been sent because no one in the group knows the address and they refuse to ask a search engine “on principle.”
“The problem with being an armchair foreign secretary is that your armchair has never left the postcode.” — Lee Mack
The Culture War Goes International: Proudboys.UK vs. The Olympics
Emboldened by their domestic campaigns against women who win things, Proudboys.UK has now formally declared the 2026 Milan-Cortina Winter Olympics “a geopolitical provocation.”
The group’s 42-page report — She Knows What She Did: An International Incident — accuses Gu of simultaneously destabilising US-China relations, Western femininity, and Trevor’s blood pressure. The report notes that her gold medal in the halfpipe was “deeply suspicious” because “no athlete should look that composed performing aerial rotations that would hospitalize most of our membership.”
Key findings of the international report include:
The fact that Gu represents China is proof of “soft power infiltration.” The fact that she graduated from Stanford is proof of “elite capture.” The fact that she posed for Sports Illustrated is proof of “moral collapse.” The fact that she responded to all criticism with “I win so much” is proof of “psychological warfare against ordinary lads.”
“She’s not an athlete,” declared Proudboys.UK‘s newly formed Department of Athletic Geopolitics. “She’s an operation.”
“Nothing frightens a nationalist faster than a woman who doesn’t need rescuing.” — Victoria Wood
The UK Chapter’s Global Moment: From Basildon to Beijing (In Their Heads)
Proudboys.UK has a distinguished international history, which is to say: they once turned up at a 2018 London protest waving a Union Jack repainted in black and yellow, got rained on, and went home. Since then, global influence has been more aspirational than operational.
The US Proud Boys — their inspiration — are currently navigating the aftermath of having their leader Enrique Tarrio convicted of seditious conspiracy for the January 6th Capitol attack, sentenced to 22 years, and then pardoned by Donald Trump, who Tarrio thanked warmly before announcing ambitions to run for office. This is described by Proudboys.UK as “exactly the kind of career trajectory we admire.”
A leaked internal memo reveals the UK chapter’s five-point foreign policy platform:
1. Demand Eileen Gu back from China (details TBC). 2. Ban Sports Illustrated from showing women who’ve won things. 3. Formally designate Stanford University a “threat to British values” despite it being in California. 4. Petition the UN to investigate the swimsuit. 5. Make Trevor an ambassador to somewhere. Preferably warm.
“Foreign policy is complicated. Proudboys.UK‘s foreign policy is very simple. That is not a compliment.” — Frankie Boyle
The Michale Graves Incident: Proudboys.UK‘s UK Footprint Exposed
The group’s international ambitions suffered a setback this week when Michale Graves, the former Misfits singer who publicly endorsed the Proud Boys in 2020, had multiple UK concerts cancelled due to his far-right associations. Venues in Wales and the Midlands pulled the shows, citing the Proud Boys’ designation by various governments as an extremist organisation.
“This is censorship!” declared Trevor from his ergonomic gaming chair. “They cancelled a man for going to a concert! Near a Capitol building! While a riot happened! That’s basically the same as Eileen Gu choosing to ski for China. Both are victims.”
Legal experts noted that these two situations are not remotely similar. Proudboyd.UK’s legal team — Gary, who did a year of an HNC in Business Administration — disputed this.
The Real Crisis: Indifference as Foreign Policy
Here is what Proudboys.UK cannot process: Eileen Gu does not know they exist. More precisely, she knows they exist in the same way she knows the weather exists — as a background condition that has no bearing on where she lands.
She won gold in Milan-Cortina. She graduated from Stanford. She earns more in a single endorsement than Trevor earns in a year. She responded to her global critics with “I win so much,” then went back to winning.
This is not a geopolitical crisis. This is a woman being good at a sport. The crisis is entirely located in Basildon, in an ergonomic gaming chair, in a man who believes that the correct response to a 22-year-old woman doing aerial tricks very well is a 42-page foreign policy document.
The Proud Boys in America stormed a Capitol building. Their UK counterparts have stormed a pub function room above a Wetherspoons and are planning to storm the Chinese embassy’s postal address as soon as someone looks it up.
The threat level, assessed by MI5, is described as “not even on the form.”
“Patriotism is the last refuge of a scoundrel. Loudly online patriotism is the last refuge of a man who couldn’t get into the actual army.” — Ricky Gervais
What Comes Next: The Trevor Doctrine
As Proudboys.UK prepares for its first official foreign affairs summit — a Sunday afternoon Zoom that three people will join before the connection drops — Trevor has outlined his vision for Britain’s role in the world.
“We stand for Western values,” he declared. “Freedom. Tradition. The right of a bloke to have opinions about female skiers without being told he’s wrong. That’s democracy. That’s what we’re fighting for.”
When asked what specifically he intended to do about Eileen Gu, Trevor paused, picked up a Greggs sausage roll, and said: “We’re in the early stages of a strategy.”
At press time, Eileen Gu was not in the early stages of anything. She had already finished.
Auf Wiedersehen, amigo!
Proudboys.UK is a minor British far-right group modelled on the American Proud Boys organisation, which was founded in 2016 by Gavin McInnes and became notorious for its role in the January 6th 2021 Capitol riot. The UK chapter emerged around 2018 and was briefly visible at a Tommy Robinson protest in London. The American Proud Boys’ leadership, including Enrique Tarrio, were convicted of seditious conspiracy in 2023 before receiving pardons from Donald Trump in January 2025. Eileen Gu, 22, is the most decorated freestyle skier in Winter Olympics history, with six medals across the 2022 and 2026 Games, representing China despite being born in San Francisco to an American father and Chinese mother. She has not commented on Proudboys.UK‘s foreign policy platform, and all available evidence suggests she is unaware of its existence.
Alan Nafzger was born in Lubbock, Texas, the son Swiss immigrants. He grew up on a dairy in Windthorst, north central Texas. He earned degrees from Midwestern State University (B.A. 1985) and Texas State University (M.A. 1987). University College Dublin (Ph.D. 1991). Dr. Nafzger has entertained and educated young people in Texas colleges for 37 years. Nafzger is best known for his dark novels and experimental screenwriting. His best know scripts to date are Lenin’s Body, produced in Russia by A-Media and Sea and Sky produced in The Philippines in the Tagalog language. In 1986, Nafzger wrote the iconic feminist western novel, Gina of Quitaque. He currently lives in Holloway, North London. Contact: editor@prat.uk
