Pyongyang Announces "Bring Your Daughter to Work Day" Will Now Last 70 Years State television in North Korea this week showed the nation what analysts described as a historic political development and what middle-school careers advisers described as "aggressive career planning." According to South Korea's intelligence service, the teenage daughter of Kim Jong Un is now approaching official successor status, which would extend the family dynasty into a fourth generation—proving that some family businesses really do keep it in the family, just with significantly more missiles. When Work Experience Goes Nuclear In other countries, a 13-year-old shadowing a parent at work means filing papers, learning spreadsheets, maybe discovering coffee tastes like betrayal. In North Korea, it means inspecting nuclear missiles and…
Palace Announces New Emergency Category: "Tell-All Weather Warning" ☕👑 Windsor Castle awoke Thursday to the sound of staff shredding documents with the urgency normally reserved for hurricanes, coronations, and corgis discovering espresso. Insiders say the disturbance followed rumors that Sarah Ferguson may publish a book revealing sensitive family matters involving Prince Andrew. The monarchy has faced many threats over the centuries: revolutions, tabloids, hats shaped like dinnerware. But historians agree nothing terrifies a royal household more than a former spouse with publishing rights and a decent memory for dates. The Ancient British Tradition of Selective Memory Royal archivists insist the monarchy has always practiced careful historical preservation, defined as "saving the flattering parts and aggressively misplacing the rest." A palace historian explained: "We don't hide…
Mystery Visitor From Lanzhou, China, Refuses to Leave PRAT.uk — Staff Consider Offering It a Cup of Tea The tech…
Valentine's Day Not a Big Deal in Britain Because Emotional Availability Would Require Planning Nation That Queues for Sport Refuses…
On Pale Blue Sofas, Civilization Unravels Quietly 🛋️🌫️ Pale Blue Sofas Declared a Non-Essential Habitat by the Department of Real…
Nation Relieved As Prince Andrew Relocated To Wolferton Village Where Everyone Thinks Andrew Can Fix Their Shed Roof WOLFERTON, NORFOLK —…
Prats vs. the Machine Why Human-Grade Folly Is the One Thing AI Still Cannot Fake 🤖🍌 You have spotted the…
London Named “Highly Attractive, Emotionally Unavailable” in National Beauty Rankings Five Things We Learned Immediately Londoners see someone attractive roughly every other day but treat romance like a delayed train. The capital ranks high for beauty and low for bravery.…
Prince Harry’s Secret Regret: The One Royal Decision Even Therapy Can’t Fix 👑😬 Some regrets arrive softly, like a missed train. Others arrive wearing a crown, waving a Netflix contract, and whispering at 3 a.m., Mate… you absolutely blew this. And then they…
Concrete Destiny: Britain’s Most Hated Building Becomes Heritagified In a twist so delicious that even the Thames itself rippled with concrete joy, Southbank Centre—once crowned Britain’s ugliest building by a Daily Mail poll back in 1967—has just been officially granted listed status and is now protected for…
Hong Kong Court Announces “Best in Show” Award for Silencing Critics; Gold Medal Goes to Jimmy Lai’s 20-Year Sentence Beijing Bureau of the International League of Authoritarian Achievements In what officials are calling a landmark milestone in the championship of…
Holland-Andalucía Trade Relations: When Tulips Met Tapas and Everyone Got Rich (Then Embargoed) The Original Netflix Series Nobody Asked For: Dutch Merchants Take Seville In what historians are calling “the most profitable meet-cute in European history,” Dutch merchants and Andalusian port cities began a…
London’s Last Orders For Proper Pubs A Farewell to The Orange Tree (and Maybe Civilization) Hold on to your pint glasses and pull up a stool, because London — the city that invented “last orders” and turned complaining into an…
Drama School Starmer: When Westminster Became a One-Man Theatre Festival There are moments in British politics when history taps you on the shoulder. There are other moments when it clears its throat, adjusts the spotlight, and announces that tonight’s performance…
London Weather Saga: Snow? Maybe. Maybe Not. Definitely Rain. Here’s the true scoop from Will it snow in London? Map shows 600‑mile band of wintry weather sweeping UK — not some made-up nonsense: The headline claims a 600-mile weather system “sweeping” the…
London’s E-Bike Experiment Accidentally Invents a New Extreme Sport London set out to save the planet, unclog the streets, and give commuters a smug glow of eco-virtue. Instead, it appears to have invented urban downhill wrestling, performed on rented e-bikes…
London Wakes to the Sound of Keyboard Sabres At precisely 6:47 a.m. London time, while the city was still negotiating with its alarm clocks and reheating tea it had forgotten about, a press release landed in inboxes across the English-speaking…
TfL Upgrades 2026: London Promises New Trains Before the Sun Burns Out London has announced transport upgrades for 2026, which in municipal time means “imminently, in a geological sense.” According to the latest grand unveiling reported by the Evening Standard, the capital…
Galentines in London Are Basically Olympic Events For Friendship If celebrating Galentine’s Day in London sounds like prep for Love Island: Borough Edition, that’s because it totally is. Originally dreamt up on Parks and Recreation by Leslie Knope — whose love of waffles,…
How Moronic Are Birkenstock Sandals in the UK? Five Quick Observations Before Your Feet Get Wet Birkenstocks in Britain are a declaration of optimism so reckless it deserves a government warning label. They are bought for summer, worn once in March,…
99% of Jobs to Vanish by 2027, Leaving Humanity With Five Careers and a Lot of Free Time A Calm, Responsible Society Reacts by Googling “How to Become One of the Five” The future has arrived early, kicked the door…
🇬🇧 Political Parties in the UK (A Calm List in a Loud Pub) British politics is less a tidy filing cabinet and more a garden shed where everyone swears their rake is the only rational rake. It’s a magnificent mess…
Post-Apocalypse in London: Why the End of Civilization Went Completely Unnoticed London Carries On Blissfully, Unaware Civilization Actually Collapsed London woke up after the apocalypse exactly the way it wakes up every morning: annoyed, under-caffeinated, and convinced this was somehow…
When She Says “I’m Fine” But Really Means “I’ve Become a Professor of Stoic Acceptance” If you’ve ever asked someone how they’re feeling and received the linguistic equivalent of a shrug wrapped in two words, congratulations: you’ve just been graced…
A Totally Helpful, Completely Accurate Guide to London Heathrow Airport Where Time Slows, Hope Queues, and Luggage Occasionally Reincarnates London Heathrow is not an airport so much as a sociological experiment conducted at jet speed. It is the place where Britain…
Prince Harry’s Charity Turns Into Game of Thrones Season Finale: Staff Exits, Betrayals, Zero Dragons 🐉 Observers say the working atmosphere at Prince Harry and Meghan Markle’s Archewell Foundation now resembles the final season of Game of Thrones. Big expectations. Expensive lighting.…
India Throws Open the Windows and Accidentally Creates an Economic Breeze 🌬️🇮🇳 There was a time when India’s economy felt like that one relative who kept the good sofa wrapped in plastic. Visitors were welcome, but nobody was allowed to…
