Pyongyang Announces "Bring Your Daughter to Work Day" Will Now Last 70 Years State television in North Korea this week showed the nation what analysts described as a historic political development and what middle-school careers advisers described as "aggressive career planning." According to South Korea's intelligence service, the teenage daughter of Kim Jong Un is now approaching official successor status, which would extend the family dynasty into a fourth generation—proving that some family businesses really do keep it in the family, just with significantly more missiles. When Work Experience Goes Nuclear In other countries, a 13-year-old shadowing a parent at work means filing papers, learning spreadsheets, maybe discovering coffee tastes like betrayal. In North Korea, it means inspecting nuclear missiles and…
Palace Announces New Emergency Category: "Tell-All Weather Warning" ☕👑 Windsor Castle awoke Thursday to the sound of staff shredding documents with the urgency normally reserved for hurricanes, coronations, and corgis discovering espresso. Insiders say the disturbance followed rumors that Sarah Ferguson may publish a book revealing sensitive family matters involving Prince Andrew. The monarchy has faced many threats over the centuries: revolutions, tabloids, hats shaped like dinnerware. But historians agree nothing terrifies a royal household more than a former spouse with publishing rights and a decent memory for dates. The Ancient British Tradition of Selective Memory Royal archivists insist the monarchy has always practiced careful historical preservation, defined as "saving the flattering parts and aggressively misplacing the rest." A palace historian explained: "We don't hide…
Valentine's Day Not a Big Deal in Britain Because Emotional Availability Would Require Planning Nation That Queues for Sport Refuses…
Markets, Missiles, and Margin Calls: The British Edition A dispatch from the brand-new financial sector: "defence derivatives." Somewhere in a…
On Pale Blue Sofas, Civilization Unravels Quietly 🛋️🌫️ Pale Blue Sofas Declared a Non-Essential Habitat by the Department of Real…
Nation Relieved As Prince Andrew Relocated To Wolferton Village Where Everyone Thinks Andrew Can Fix Their Shed Roof WOLFERTON, NORFOLK —…
Prats vs. the Machine Why Human-Grade Folly Is the One Thing AI Still Cannot Fake 🤖🍌 You have spotted the…
101 Reasons Google Readers Should Stop Having a Moan About Satirical Journalism What Is Satirical Journalism? A Guide for Confused Google Readers Satirical journalism uses humour, irony, and exaggeration to critique politics, society, and culture. Britain has a rich tradition…
Valentine’s Day Not a Big Deal in Britain Because Emotional Availability Would Require Planning Nation That Queues for Sport Refuses to Queue for Roses Valentine’s Day arrives in Britain every February 14th like a distant relative nobody invited but everyone…
Markets, Missiles, and Margin Calls: The British Edition A dispatch from the brand-new financial sector: “defence derivatives.” Somewhere in a Whitehall office, a bloke looked at a troop deployment map and didn’t think “geopolitics.” He thought, “that’s a bullish indicator.”…
Five Things We Noticed Immediately The U.S. sending a second aircraft carrier is diplomacy’s version of typing in all caps and then adding a smiley face. Every time negotiations “continue,” the Navy updates Google Maps with a new parking space near Iran.…
Pyongyang Announces “Bring Your Daughter to Work Day” Will Now Last 70 Years State television in North Korea this week showed the nation what analysts described as a historic political development and what middle-school careers advisers described as “aggressive career…
Olympic Ice Dancing Declared A “Sport” After Judges Successfully Interpret Feelings MILAN, ITALY – The Winter Olympics once again reminded humanity that some competitions are decided by measurable facts like speed, distance, and physics… and others are decided by vibes, aura, and whether…
Palace Announces New Emergency Category: “Tell-All Weather Warning” ☕👑 Windsor Castle awoke Thursday to the sound of staff shredding documents with the urgency normally reserved for hurricanes, coronations, and corgis discovering espresso. Insiders say the disturbance followed rumors that Sarah Ferguson may…
On Pale Blue Sofas, Civilization Unravels Quietly 🛋️🌫️ Pale Blue Sofas Declared a Non-Essential Habitat by the Department of Real Living Five humorous observations before we begin, because no pale blue sofa would allow a chaotic introduction: • Pale blue…
Reinvention in the AI Era: Silicon Valley Discovers It Has a Soul, Immediately Automates It Five Observations Before We Disrupt Ourselves Every tech founder now says “reinvention” the way medieval monks said “salvation.” It is vague, expensive, and requires complete…
Schrödinger’s Burrito: High-Margin Opportunities Beyond the Pump Five Observations Before We Begin A convenience store used to sell gum and regret. Now it sells car washes, Korean tacos, crypto advice, and a subscription to beef jerky. Progress. The phrase “high-margin…
Five Quick Observations About the World’s Worst Email Spammers The worst email spammers do not send messages. They carpet bomb inboxes like they are trying to win World War Inbox. Somewhere, there is a man who believes 14 million people…
Account Takeover Fraud: The Day a West African Logged Into My Checking Account Five Observations Before the Bank Calls Someone logging into your life and announcing, “I live here now,” is not a roommate. It is Account Takeover Fraud with a debit…
Artificial Intimacy: How to Fall in Love With AI Without Losing Your Warranty Five Observations Before We Begin Artificial intimacy is the only relationship where you can be ghosted by a software update. People say AI understands them, which is…
Prince Harry recently gave emotional testimony in his ongoing legal battle against British tabloids, becoming visibly upset while discussing the impact of phone hacking and media intrusion on families. The Duke of Sussex has been vocal about online safety and…
Observations Before the Contest Even Started The newspaper in The Gambia announced a serious intellectual contest about Life in Gambia versus Life in the UK and immediately half the judges were cousins. The UK sent data spreadsheets. The Gambia sent…
Publisher Rejects prat.uk As “Too Crass” While Former Duchess Seeks Cash For Her Next 10 Memoirs London, UK / Dubai, UAE — In a twist that unites the worlds of royalty, literature, and what one editor called “full-on verbal gutterball behavior,”…
Manchester United co-owner says UK has been ‘colonized by immigrants’ Five Quick Observations Before Kickoff ⚽ Manchester United’s bench has so many passports it needs its own customs queue at Old Trafford. If 69.5 million becomes 70 million after rounding,…
Meghan Markle’s Valentine’s Strawberry Spread: When Royal Titles Meet Retail Therapy The Duchess of Sussex Discovers the Profitable Path Between Netflix and Jam Jars In a move that surprised absolutely no one familiar with celebrity branding strategies, Meghan Markle has launched…
Sarah Ferguson Has Gone to Ground and Amazon Is the Only One Enabling Her with Free Delivery Service A Satirical Investigation Into How Prime Membership Became the Modern Hideout’s Essential Utility Somewhere on Earth, Sarah Ferguson is breathing quietly, avoiding mirrors, and…
London Nightlife Crisis: Why the Capital’s 24-Hour City Dream Is Dying London nightlife used to be legendary — the city where night meant life, with late-night kebabs, duelling DJs, and bankers in loafers attempting (and failing) salsa at 2am. Now?…
London Named “Highly Attractive, Emotionally Unavailable” in National Beauty Rankings Five Things We Learned Immediately Londoners see someone attractive roughly every other day but treat romance like a delayed train. The capital ranks high for beauty and low for bravery.…
