Government Discovers Young People Will Do Anything for Pay, Including Pretending the Army Is a Personal Growth Retreat
Economists Shocked by Discovery of Incentives
In a breakthrough that stunned absolutely no one, the UK government has learned that paying young people makes them more willing to participate in things they previously avoided.
The armed forces gap year offers wages, accommodation, and the radical promise of not charging tuition fees. Analysts say this places it well above most entry-level jobs and several universities.
Behavioural economists confirm the appeal is simple: money, clarity, and a defined exit date. One called it “the opposite of modern employment.”
Officials insist the scheme is about national resilience, not desperation. Still, recruitment figures suggest the military is competing with Deliveroo and losing.
A leaked internal memo reportedly described the programme as “LinkedIn, but real.” Participants gain skills, references, and a sense of purpose, or at least a strong opinion about socks.
Public response has been split between cautious support and jokes about camouflage TikTok influencers. The MOD declined to comment on influencer strategy, but confirmed “content will happen.”
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