Venezuela Learns It Is Being Governed via Strongly Worded American Suggestion
Caracas Receives Latest Policy Guidance Through Public Statements
CARACAS — Venezuelan officials confirmed Monday that the country is now being governed primarily through a sequence of strongly worded American suggestions, each delivered with the calm confidence of someone who believes tone alone constitutes authority.
The latest guidance arrived in the form of a public statement from former President Donald Trump, who outlined what he described as “very reasonable expectations” for Venezuela’s leadership, including cooperation, compliance, and a general willingness to behave in a manner that would look good on cable news. Venezuelan ministers reportedly gathered around a television to watch the remarks, pausing several times to ask whether suggestions phrased as commands were still optional.
“It appears to be written in the language of choice,” said one senior Venezuelan official, speaking on condition of anonymity whilst holding a legal pad labelled ‘American Mood Swings.’ “But the punctuation feels compulsory.”
The Evolution of Vibes-Based Sovereignty
Diplomatic scholars noted that this method of governance represents a significant evolution in U.S. foreign policy, replacing treaties and negotiations with what one analyst called “vibes-based sovereignty.” According to a recent poll conducted by the Institute for International Confusion, 62 per cent of Venezuelans were unsure whether the country had been invaded, sanctioned, or simply strongly advised.
Trump’s statement emphasised that cooperation would be rewarded with goodwill, stability, and the possibility of being spoken about positively at rallies. Non-cooperation, meanwhile, would result in consequences that were not specified but were described as “very obvious once they happen.”
Strategic Ambiguity as Foreign Policy Tool
“The genius here is ambiguity,” explained Professor Harold Dinsmore of the Centre for Strategic Guesswork. “When you never define the threat, everyone imagines the worst possible version tailored to their own fears.”
Caracas Residents Adapt to International Micromanagement
On the streets of Caracas, reactions were mixed. Some residents expressed relief that governance had shifted from domestic dysfunction to international micromanagement. Others were confused about where to file complaints.
“I tried ringing City Hall, and they told me to watch Fox News for updates,” said local shopkeeper Maria Alvarez. “Apparently that’s where the new regulations are announced.”
Venezuelan Government Forms Interpretation Task Force
The Venezuelan government issued a brief response acknowledging receipt of the suggestion and promising to “review the tone carefully.” Insiders say a special task force has been formed to interpret American phrasing, including the distinction between “must,” “should,” and “would be a shame if.”
At press time, officials confirmed they were awaiting the next directive, which sources say may arrive via social media, a campaign speech, or a spontaneous aside during a fast-food endorsement.
Alan Nafzger was born in Lubbock, Texas, the son Swiss immigrants. He grew up on a dairy in Windthorst, north central Texas. He earned degrees from Midwestern State University (B.A. 1985) and Texas State University (M.A. 1987). University College Dublin (Ph.D. 1991). Dr. Nafzger has entertained and educated young people in Texas colleges for 37 years. Nafzger is best known for his dark novels and experimental screenwriting. His best know scripts to date are Lenin’s Body, produced in Russia by A-Media and Sea and Sky produced in The Philippines in the Tagalog language. In 1986, Nafzger wrote the iconic feminist western novel, Gina of Quitaque. Contact: editor@prat.uk
