Trump Issues List of Demands to Caracas, Calls It “Very Fair, Very Simple, Very Me”
President Delivers Policy Framework Doubling as Brand Slogan
WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump on Tuesday issued a list of demands to Venezuela’s leadership, describing the document as “very fair, very simple, very me,” a phrase experts say doubles as both a policy framework and a brand slogan.
The demands, which were not formally labelled as demands, included cooperation with U.S. expectations, alignment with American interests, and a general effort to stop being a problem on television. Trump emphasised that the list was not complicated and could be resolved quickly if Venezuela simply agreed with him.
“This isn’t hard,” Trump said. “I’ve made lists before. Great lists. People love my lists.”
Ten-Minute Diplomatic Document Sparks International Debate
According to aides familiar with the process, the list was drafted in under ten minutes and revised twice to include more adjectives. One former official described it as “somewhere between a diplomatic communiqué and a restaurant order sent back to the kitchen.”
Policy analysts noted that the demands lacked traditional enforcement mechanisms, instead relying heavily on Trump’s confidence that everyone involved would recognise his authority on sight. “This is leadership by assertion,” said international relations expert Dr. Lila Moreno. “If you say something confidently enough, it becomes policy adjacent.”
Caracas Officials Debate Legal vs. Motivational Bullet Points
In Caracas, officials reportedly spent hours determining whether the list constituted an ultimatum or a performance. “There were bullet points, but also vibes,” said one diplomat. “We’re still debating which ones are legally binding and which are motivational.”
Supporters Praise “Real Leadership” Approach
The list was well received by Trump supporters, who praised its clarity. “Finally, someone tells other countries what to do like you’d tell a contractor,” said one voter at a diner in Florida. “That’s real leadership.”
Critics, meanwhile, argued that the demands ignored Venezuela’s internal complexities. Trump dismissed those concerns, noting that complexity was “overrated” and that most problems could be solved by doing what he suggested immediately.
Venezuela Considers Polite Non-Response Strategy
As of Wednesday, Venezuela had not formally responded, though sources say officials are considering issuing a statement thanking Trump for his interest whilst quietly continuing to do whatever they were doing before.
Alan Nafzger was born in Lubbock, Texas, the son Swiss immigrants. He grew up on a dairy in Windthorst, north central Texas. He earned degrees from Midwestern State University (B.A. 1985) and Texas State University (M.A. 1987). University College Dublin (Ph.D. 1991). Dr. Nafzger has entertained and educated young people in Texas colleges for 37 years. Nafzger is best known for his dark novels and experimental screenwriting. His best know scripts to date are Lenin’s Body, produced in Russia by A-Media and Sea and Sky produced in The Philippines in the Tagalog language. In 1986, Nafzger wrote the iconic feminist western novel, Gina of Quitaque. Contact: editor@prat.uk
