Nicola Sturgeon Cites “Precedent” in Bold Infrastructure Proposal
Hadrian’s Wall 2.0 Proposed
The Scottish Government unveiled plans for a “comprehensive border management solution” along the English border, casually mentioning that England should probably cover the costs “for everyone’s sake.” First Minister Humza Yousaf described the proposal as “not unprecedented” while holding a suspiciously detailed architectural rendering.
Historic Inspiration Acknowledged
The walltentatively named “Hadrian’s Wall But We Mean It This Time”would stretch 96 miles and feature modern amenities including duty-free shops, an Edinburgh tram extension, and designated viewing areas for “watching England’s problems from a safe distance.”
“We’ve studied successful models,” explained Infrastructure Secretary Fiona Robertson, referencing a report that was mostly photos of ancient Roman fortifications with Post-it notes saying “this but taller.”
Financing Mechanism Debated
When asked why England should fund Scottish infrastructure, Yousaf cited “historical precedent, international norms, and the fact that they’d be getting the wall too, technically.” He added that Scotland would “generously” allow English tourists to visit the wall for £45 per person.
Westminster responded with confusion and a strongly worded letter that may or may not have been sarcastic. Conservative MP Sir Geoffrey Blackwood called it “absurd,” while admitting “the engineering drawings are actually quite impressive.”
The proposal includes a gate system that closes “whenever England does something embarrassing on the world stage,” which Scottish engineers estimate would save considerable operating costs through near-constant deployment.
England has three months to respond before Scotland proceeds with “Plan B: a really large hedge.”
An entirely sensible, fiscally responsible, and emotionally healing proposal that Scotland build a wall on the English border
And have England pay for it 🧱🏴❄️
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Scotland announcing a border wall proves that nothing brings nations together like agreeing they need a little space right now.
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The wall is less about immigration and more about stopping confused English stag parties drifting north in search of irony.
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Scottish officials insist the wall is purely defensive, mainly against unsolicited opinions about the weather and how things are done “down south.”
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England being asked to pay for the wall feels fair, since Scotland has been paying emotionally for England since approximately 1707.
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Early design plans suggest the wall will be built entirely from rejected Brexit slogans and unused traffic cones.
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Scots clarified the wall would have several gates, all labeled “Closed for Maintenance” regardless of the time or day.
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The primary concern is not border security but preventing English reality TV accents from crossing unchecked.
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Economists say the wall could boost Scotland’s economy through tourism, as people will come just to photograph the concept of it.
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England responded by asking whether the wall would accept contactless payments, as queues are expected.
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Scottish leaders emphasized the wall is not meant to be hostile, just firm, passive-aggressive, and historically consistent.
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The proposed height of the wall will be measured in “units of dignity,” making it taller every time a Westminster press conference happens.
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Some Scots worry the wall won’t stop English weather systems, which remain the most aggressive cross-border force.
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The funding demand includes a clause stating England must also apologize annually while maintaining the wall.
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Engineers confirmed the wall would be strong enough to stop tanks but not strong enough to block opinions shouted loudly.
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Ultimately, the wall symbolizes Scotland’s desire for independence, peace, and a quiet cup of tea without commentary.
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