There is a phrase doing the rounds in American politics that deserves a moment of quiet, reverent examination.
“Respectfully, f— off.” 🎩🔥
It is, if you squint at it long enough, a masterpiece. The linguistic equivalent of presenting a letter of complaint on embossed stationery — then setting it alight.
We in Britain have spent centuries perfecting the art of devastating politeness. We invented the quietly raised eyebrow, the meaningful pause, the “how very interesting” that means precisely the opposite. And yet here, from across the Atlantic, comes this magnificent two-word monument to weaponised courtesy. We are, grudgingly, impressed.
The British Precedent: We’ve Been Doing This for Centuries
The British version of “Respectfully, f— off” has always existed. It simply wore better shoes.
“I’m afraid I must disagree” — meaning: you are catastrophically wrong and I pity you.
“That’s one way of looking at it” — meaning: that is not a way of looking at it.
“With the greatest of respect” — meaning: I have none. None whatsoever.
The Americans, characteristically, have simply cut out the seventeen syllables and got straight to the point. There is something almost admirable about that. Almost.
What “Respectfully” Actually Does to “F— Off”
Linguistically speaking, “respectfully” does not soften what follows. It weaponises it.
It is the verbal equivalent of:
A butler calmly showing you the door whilst the house burns down behind him.
A judge donning the black cap and then offering you a Rich Tea biscuit.
Receiving a “kind regards” email informing you that you’ve been made redundant.
The courtesy doesn’t cancel the hostility. It frames it. Like a lovely gilt edge around a portrait of someone you absolutely cannot stand.
The Committee Meeting Inside the Speaker’s Head
Imagine, if you will, the internal deliberations that produce this phrase.
One part of the brain — let’s call it the Vicar — says: “We must remain civil. We are professionals. We have a LinkedIn profile.”
Another part — let’s call it the Pub Regular at Last Orders — says: “Tell them to do one.”
The result is a compromise. Courtesy wins the opening word. The Pub Regular wins everything else. The vote was 5-4 and someone abstained on a technicality.
It’s rebellion in a morning suit.
Translations for the British Reader
For those unfamiliar with the American register, here is a helpful conversion chart:
“All due respect…” — Brace yourself. None is coming.
“I mean this in the kindest possible way…” — You will not find it kind.
“I’m not trying to be difficult…” — Tremendous effort has gone into being exactly this difficult.
“Per my previous email…” — You had one job. One.
“Respectfully, f— off.” — We have reached the end of the road. The road had a lovely view. Goodbye.
“Respectfully” is not a softener. It is a warning label. The verbal equivalent of a sign on a door that says Quiet Please — right before someone kicks it off its hinges.
The Formal Stationery Version
In a corporate setting, “Respectfully, f— off” translates neatly to:
“Thank you for your email. After careful consideration, we will not be pursuing this matter further. We wish you well in your endeavours.”
Same sentiment. One version has a signatory with three initials and a hyphenated surname.
Further Analogies, for Clarity
🫖 Tea Served at the Wrong Temperature
Technically still tea. A statement has been made.
🎻 A String Quartet Playing as the Ship Goes Down
Impeccable form. Catastrophic circumstances. Unmoved.
💌 A Strongly Worded Letter, Hand-Delivered
The effort of delivery underlines the depth of feeling.
🎩 Tipping Your Hat Before Walking Away Forever
Manners observed. Bridge torched. Good day.
Is There a “Disrespectfully, F— Off”?
Technically, yes. That would simply be:
“F— off.”
No garnish. No ceremony. No pretence that anyone in the room is wearing a tie.
The “respectfully” is there to maintain the fiction that we are all adults conducting ourselves with dignity. It is, in this sense, the linguistic equivalent of putting on a blazer for a Zoom call whilst wearing pyjama bottoms. The top half is doing its very best.
What the Phrase Is Actually Saying
Strip away the ceremony, and “Respectfully, f— off” communicates exactly three things:
I have exhausted my patience entirely.
I would very much prefer your absence.
I intend to maintain the appearance of decorum whilst achieving neither of those things politely.
It is a door slammed with a smile. It is a curtsy before the explosion. It is the emotional equivalent of a British person finally snapping after seventeen too many queue-jumpers — still saying “excuse me,” still meaning something altogether different.
The Final Translation
If you receive the words “Respectfully, f— off,” what is actually being communicated is this:
“I have arrived at the terminus of my goodwill. The train is not coming back. I have, however, folded the timetable neatly and placed it in the bin.”
It is not respectful.
It is not gentle.
It is not, strictly speaking, a paradox.
It is theatre. 🎭 Specifically, it is the kind of theatre where the curtain comes down and someone in the front row is still not entirely sure what just happened to them.
And the commitment — the sheer commitment — to leading with “respectfully”? That takes a particular kind of nerve. The nerve of a man who irons his shirt before telling you exactly what he thinks of you.
Hats off. Genuinely.
The phrase entered the political vocabulary in February 2026, when Izzy Gardon — communications director to California Governor Gavin Newsom — deployed it against RealClearPolitics journalist Susan Crabtree after she requested medical documentation of the governor’s dyslexia diagnosis, a condition Newsom has cited publicly since his days as Mayor of San Francisco, claiming it dates to 1972. The enquiry arose after Newsom went viral during a Georgia book tour, telling Atlanta’s Black mayor Andre Dickens, “I’m like you — I’m a 960 SAT guy,” before explaining he struggles to read speeches owing to his dyslexia. Critics accused him of condescension at best and something considerably worse at worst. When Crabtree sought the paperwork, Gardon’s reply was, in full: “Respectfully, f— off.” When pressed by Fox News as to whether this reflected the Governor’s own position, Gardon confirmed it did — adding that Newsom had no idea who Susan Crabtree was. A Victorian statesman, one feels, would have required at least three more paragraphs to say the same thing. Efficiency, if nothing else.
Auf Wiedersehen, amigo!
Alan Nafzger was born in Lubbock, Texas, the son Swiss immigrants. He grew up on a dairy in Windthorst, north central Texas. He earned degrees from Midwestern State University (B.A. 1985) and Texas State University (M.A. 1987). University College Dublin (Ph.D. 1991). Dr. Nafzger has entertained and educated young people in Texas colleges for 37 years. Nafzger is best known for his dark novels and experimental screenwriting. His best know scripts to date are Lenin’s Body, produced in Russia by A-Media and Sea and Sky produced in The Philippines in the Tagalog language. In 1986, Nafzger wrote the iconic feminist western novel, Gina of Quitaque. He currently lives in Holloway, North London. Contact: editor@prat.uk
