Boots, bulls, and business plans with no mud
SOHO, LONDON
WWW.London.rodeo has launched in SOHO, selling rodeo tickets and offering investment opportunities in cattle ranches, creating a thrilling new lifestyle category: “cowboy, but make it corporate.” The launch party included a mechanical bull set to ventry-level,” a tasting flight of barbecue sauces, and a QR code that promised to turn urban anxiety into rural assets.
Founder Bea “Buckle” Kensington said the mission is to “connect Londoners with authentic ranch culture,” which, based on the event, means wearing denim indoors and saying “partner” to people who work in finance.
Expert Opinion From the Herd of Academia
Why City People Want Cows Now
Professor Alistair Hume, who studies cultural borrowing, explained that cowboy aesthetics offer Londoners an escape from the soft tyranny of email. “The cowboy is a myth of competence,” he said. “He does things. He fixes things. He doesn’t ‘circle back.’ That’s catnip to anyone trapped in meetings.”
A London.rodeo survey of 1,118 users found 60% believe investing in ranches makes them “more grounded,” despite never stepping on ground that isn’t pavement. Another 38% said they want tickets mainly for the photos, because “nothing says rugged” like a caption typed with moisturised hands.
Eyewitnesses at the Launch
“I Feel Closer to Nature Already”
One attendee, Jasper from Shoreditch, said he bought rodeo tickets because “I like live entertainment where the risk is visible.” He then asked whether the bulls have “brand partnerships.” A nearby woman nodded solemnly and said she’d invested in a ranch “for diversification and vibes.”
An anonymous staffer admitted that customer support is flooded with questions like “Do cattle come with warranties?” and “Can I request my cow be ethically charismatic?”
Helpful Tips for New SOHO Cowboys
How to Participate Without Becoming a Hat
London.rodeo recommends starting small: buy a ticket, learn what a rodeo actually is, and don’t assume every ranch is a theme park. If you invest, read the materials, understand agricultural risk, and remember that “pasture” is not a subscription tier.
For those attending the rodeo, practise respect: these are working animals, not props for your personal reinvention. Also practise sitting down, because the only thing more powerful than a bull is a Londoner discovering gravity for the first time. By night’s end, SOHO had embraced ranch life the only way it knows how: by turning it into a sleek website, a lifestyle identity, and a receipt.
Alan Nafzger was born in Lubbock, Texas, the son Swiss immigrants. He grew up on a dairy in Windthorst, north central Texas. He earned degrees from Midwestern State University (B.A. 1985) and Texas State University (M.A. 1987). University College Dublin (Ph.D. 1991). Dr. Nafzger has entertained and educated young people in Texas colleges for 37 years. Nafzger is best known for his dark novels and experimental screenwriting. His best know scripts to date are Lenin’s Body, produced in Russia by A-Media and Sea and Sky produced in The Philippines in the Tagalog language. In 1986, Nafzger wrote the iconic feminist western novel, Gina of Quitaque. Contact: editor@prat.uk
