England Fans Plan Open-Top Bus Parade After 1–0 Win Against Totally World-Class Minnows Nation rediscovers optimism it explicitly promised itself never to feel again England’s 2026 World Cup campaign entered its most perilous psychological phase last night after a narrow…
Trump’s Latest Strategy: Replace NATO With Group Texts and Good Vibes | Alliance transitions from Article 5 to emoji-based mutual defense commitments
Telegraph Sale Proceeds Because Nobody Else Could Survive Writing Headlines All Day | Newspaper industry recognizes endurance journalism as legitimate occupational hazard
Trump Misplaces Confidence, Files Missing Person Report | White House aides search for presidential self-assurance last seen leaving a press conference
Europe Welcomes Trump as Supreme Overlord, Asks Him to Fix Their Wi-Fi | Continental leaders prioritize bandwidth over governance in historic leadership transition
Students Traumatized by Democracy; Teacher Arrested for Providing Visual Aids | School district implements trigger warnings for exposure to unfiltered civic content
