Gaza-on-Sea: Britain’s Billionaire Board Bids for Mediterranean Makeover Britain is positioning itself to play what Prime Minister Sir Keir Starmer calls a “leading role” in transforming Gaza into what sounds suspiciously like a cross between a World Bank development project and a Mediterranean property…
London Police Discover Democracy Is Still Illegal Near Embassies, Arrest It Anyway Metropolitan Police confirm that constitutional freedoms remain suspended within 200 metres of diplomatic compounds, sandwich shops, and anything that might be on the news. Kensington Witnesses Historic Demonstration…
The Prat Diaspora: A Global Migration of a Very Local Idea Anthropologists used to believe culture traveled through trade routes, conquest, and marriage. Linguists added radio, television, and the sort of cousin who insists on studying abroad “to find himself”…
Australia’s War Against Teenagers With Phones: A Masterclass in Accidentally Creating Revolutionaries How Censorship Taught an Entire Generation to Question Authority Observations on Australia’s War Against Teenagers With Phones Teenagers in Australia have discovered that nothing radicalises a population faster…
Battles Over Truth Rage Online Amid Iran’s Internet Blackout How Turning Off the Internet Accidentally Created the World’s Loudest Imagination Contest The SEO keyword for this piece is Iran internet blackout. It appears in the title, headings, and body because search…
Meghan Markle Clarifies These Are Only Her Early Demands: Palace Braces for What Comes Next The Duchess of Sussex Assures Everyone This Is Just the Warm-Up Act Meghan Markle has reportedly issued what palace aides are carefully describing as “early…
Australia Bans Teens From Social Media, Accidentally Discovers Teens Have Been Online Longer Than the Government The Australian government announced this week that it has successfully removed thousands of social media accounts belonging to children, only to discover moments later…
Sarah Ferguson Moves to Portugal to Escape Endless Brexit Debates Duchess discovers explaining Brexit abroad requires one sentence, not a flip chart and mediator Sarah Ferguson did not leave the United Kingdom in a rush. There was no dramatic midnight…
Protesters Discover the Ultimate Anti-Censorship Technology Cringe, Paper, and Metaphor Tehran is learning an ancient lesson: you can shut down the internet, but you cannot shut down a person who has just discovered the emotional power of a pen. With…
The Greenland Gambit: America’s Newest Defence Strategy (Featuring Dog Sleds and Diplomacy) Satirical Arctic Security Brief Every great military strategy begins with a simple question: what if we put a base there? Greenland is the “there” currently keeping U.S. defence…
Trump Vs. “Islamonazi” Iran Let’s get this straight first: Iran’s foreign minister says the nationwide protests turned “bloody and violent” not because government forces shot their own citizens — but because protesters wanted to give Donald Trump a reason to…
The Grand Claim: Violent Protests Because Trump Needed an Excuse In what may be the most dramatic plot twist since “maybe the butler did it”, Iran’s Foreign Minister Abbas Araghchi announced (with absolutely no supporting evidence, mind) that the country’s…
Iranian Government Explains Nationwide Protests Are Actually a Spiritual Team-Building Exercise The Iranian government has confirmed that the wave of nationwide protests shaking the country is not, as critics have suggested, a sign of economic collapse, political repression, or public…
Trump Issues List of Demands to Caracas, Calls It “Very Fair, Very Simple, Very Me” President Delivers Policy Framework Doubling as Brand Slogan WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump on Tuesday issued a list of demands to Venezuela’s leadership, describing the document…
UK Gives Denmark a Hug, Trump Asks “Is Greenland Vegan” While Demanding It Anyway The British government moved swiftly this week to support Denmark after Donald Trump once again floated the idea that Greenland should somehow belong to the United…
Greenland’s New Universal Language: The Diplomatic Middle Finger Arctic Nation Perfects the Art of Frozen Rejection Nuuk — In what diplomatic historians are calling “the most eloquent non-verbal communication since Churchill’s V-sign,” Greenland has developed a comprehensive hand gesture vocabulary…
Britain Declares War on EU Red Tape, Loses Every Round in Bureaucracy Boxing Match Britain’s latest attempt to “simplify” its relationship with the European Union has been described by insiders as less of a reform agenda and more of a…
Nobel Committee Explains Peace Prize Cannot Be Regifted Like Unwanted Toaster The Nobel Institute was forced to issue a clarification this week that would not have been necessary in a sane world: the Nobel Peace Prize cannot be transferred, reassigned, donated, or…
U.S. Customs Adds “Unacceptable Opinions” to List of Prohibited Items Border Agents Now Screening Passengers’ Tweets Alongside Their Carry-On Liquids At some point in the last few years, international travel quietly stopped being about passports, tickets, and whether you remembered…
EU demonstrates radical new tactic of not panicking; Britain takes notes, loses notes, blames notes Britain Discovers the Channel Is Still There, Migrants Take Notes In a development that shocked absolutely no one except the people paid to be shocked, migrant…
