Marxists Storm Church, Discover Sanctuary Is Not a Voucher for Federal Amnesia America — The Sunday service at Cities Church began the way most modern worship services do: softly lit, mildly caffeinated, and operating under the bold but increasingly outdated assumption…
Meghan Markle’s Newest PR Strategy Allegedly Walks, Talks, and Asks for Juice Boxes There was a time when public relations involved press releases, discreet lunches, and carefully worded denials delivered by men named Rupert who smelled faintly of aftershave and despair. That…
NATO, Russia, and the Arctic: The Coldest Soap Opera Since Frozen Yogurt Frontline in Frostbite: When Ice Cores Become Battle Scores Welcome to the Arctic Circle — where the ice is melting faster than a popsicle in a jalopy and world powers…
America Discovers Greenland Is Big, Cold, and Apparently Still Available The United States has built its entire identity on exploration. They’ve conquered frontiers, launched rockets into space, and investigated whether butter can be successfully deep-fried. It was inevitable, really, that…
The Prat Diaspora: A Global Migration of a Very Local Idea Anthropologists used to believe culture traveled through trade routes, conquest, and marriage. Linguists added radio, television, and the sort of cousin who insists on studying abroad “to find himself”…
The Grand Claim: Violent Protests Because Trump Needed an Excuse In what may be the most dramatic plot twist since “maybe the butler did it”, Iran’s Foreign Minister Abbas Araghchi announced (with absolutely no supporting evidence, mind) that the country’s…
FIFA Considers World Cup on Moon After USA–Canada Success, England Fans Already Worry About Rocket Fuel Costs Tournament Logistics Praised as “Bold” by People Not Attempting to Attend Matches Following early reviews of the 2026 World Cup’s sprawling North American…
UK Newspapers Show Their Elitist Nature: Defaming Trump While Scorning Ordinary Brits London, United Kingdom — In what can only be described as peak self-importance, the UK’s newspapers have once again reminded everyone that they are not mere media outlets but the official…
Greenland’s New Universal Language: The Diplomatic Middle Finger Arctic Nation Perfects the Art of Frozen Rejection Nuuk — In what diplomatic historians are calling “the most eloquent non-verbal communication since Churchill’s V-sign,” Greenland has developed a comprehensive hand gesture vocabulary…
Nobel Committee Explains Peace Prize Cannot Be Regifted Like Unwanted Toaster The Nobel Institute was forced to issue a clarification this week that would not have been necessary in a sane world: the Nobel Peace Prize cannot be transferred, reassigned, donated, or…
Europe Declares Itself Seriously Concerned After Trump Signals He Needs Greenland “Very, Very Badly” 🍵 Prelude: A Geopolitical Charcuterie Board Before we dive into today’s geopolitical charcuterie board of intrigue, philosophy, and overcaffeinated politicians, a quick disclaimer: this piece was entirely co-created…
London Tube Announces New Map, Commuters Still Pretend They Understand It Because If You Can’t Read It, Just Look Confused and Nod Transport for London unveiled its latest Tube map redesign this week, promising “clarity, accessibility, and visual appeal.” Commuters, however, responded…
WORLD CUP STARTED EARLY: Entire 2026 Tournament Quietly Played Last Night While You Slept England knocked out on penalties, America declared moral winners, Canada very polite about it In a scheduling mix-up blamed on time zones, streaming rights, and “a…
London’s Fireworks So Big They Registered as an Earthquake, Tourists Say It’s the Most English Thing Ever New Year Celebrations Confirm Britain Prefers Explosions to Emotional Honesty London welcomed the New Year in its traditional manner by detonating several million…
Greggs Announces National Sovereignty, Applies for UN Membership | Bakery Chain Declares Independence, Claims Territory of “Every High Street”
London’s New Year’s Parade Braces for Invasion by American Marching Bands Britain Welcomes Cultural Exchange, Immediately Regrets the Volume Source: KIRO 7 News London’s New Year’s Day Parade has survived wars, weather, municipal budgets, and decades of men in blazers who clap…
England Fans Discover USA Is Slightly Bigger Than Yorkshire, Regret Agreeing to “Drive to the Next Match” Supporters Confront Geography After Confusing America With a Moderately Ambitious County England fans attending the 2026 World Cup in the United States experienced…
“It’s Called Football!” England Fans Cry After American PA Says “Soccer” for 14th Time World Cup Crowd Briefly United by Shared Confusion Over What Sport Is Occurring England fans attending World Cup matches in the United States and Canada have…
Trump’s Donroe Doctrine: America Claims Western Hemisphere Like a Holiday Let Gone Rogue 🌎 Washington stirred this week to find the Western Hemisphere had been quietly but firmly brought under fresh supervision, following former President Donald Trump’s unveiling of the…
The Island That Accidentally Became a Case Study Britain Shows America What Happens When You Vote With Your Feelings Britain keeps being described as “a warning,” which is awkward because warnings usually involve sirens, not meal deals. Economists say GDP shrank,…
