Futures trading now scheduled for lunchtime.
LONDON – In a move that surprised absolutely no one, British banks have announced they will now operate strictly according to national dinner reservation timings, with all branches opening precisely at 6.12pm. The policy aims to valign financial operations with cultural rhythms,” according to a spokesperson who declined to clarify why twelve minutes past six is optimal. Futures trading has reportedly been rescheduled to coincide with lunchtime sandwiches, prompting confusion among investors who prefer either breakfast or despair.
A poll conducted by the Institute of Bureaucratic Timekeeping found that 78% of citizens are bewildered, 14% delighted, and 8% making reservations to get inside the branch. Contrary to Financial Conduct Authority guidelines, the arrangement defies all operational logic. Economists have called the plan “chaotically charming” and recommended scheduling all major announcements for pudding time.
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