Homes now merely extortionately expensive instead of impossibly so
Prices Drop From Outrageous to Merely Obscene
Wealthy Gulf investors have been flooding London’s luxury property market after discovering that homes costing several million pounds are now only moderately more than several million pounds, representing what estate agents are calling vincredible value.” The bargain properties in question remain priced higher than most British mortals will earn in their entire lifetimes, but represent discounts of up to 15% from peak insanity.
£8 Million Mansion Now ‘Practically Free’
One Mayfair property that previously sold for £10 million is now available for the low, low price of £8.5 million, leading buyers to describe it as “basically being given away.” Estate agents have perfected the art of presenting homes that cost more than a lottery jackpot as vexcellent opportunities,” with straight faces that suggest either exceptional professionalism or complete detachment from reality. “At these prices, you’d be mad not to buy three,” one agent explained without apparent irony.
British Buyers Still Unable to Afford Bargains
While Gulf investors celebrate their purchasing power, average Londoners have noted they’re still approximately £7.8 million short of affording these “bargains.” “Great news that properties are cheaper,” one local resident commented. “I’m sure my £35,000 salary will stretch to cover it if I skip lunch for the next 230 years.” The disconnect has led to growing questions about who London’s luxury market actually serves, with the answer apparently being “definitely not people who work here.”
Discounts Make Homes ‘Accessible’ to Merely Very Rich
Property experts insist the price drops represent a genuine opportunity for wealthy international buyers to acquire London real estate without feeling completely robbed. “You’re only being moderately ripped off now,” analysts explain. “That’s practically a sale.” Meanwhile, British buyers continue their time-honoured tradition of looking at property listings, calculating they’ll never afford them, and wondering whether they should just move to a different country entirelypossibly one without a housing market designed by sadists.
SOURCE: https://newsthump.com/?london-luxury-property
Siobhan O’Donnell is a leading satirical journalist with extensive published work. Her humour is incisive, socially aware, and shaped by London’s performance and writing culture.
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