Concrete and Secrets: MI6’s River House Proves Spies Have Better Real Estate Taste Than Design Sense
The building is nicknamed “Legoland.” Also “The Ziggurat.” Also “Ceaușescu Towers” — a reference to the architecture of Socialist Romania. Also “The Vauxhault Trollop.” When your building has multiple insulting nicknames, you might have a design problem.
River House was designed by Terry Farrell as a postmodern masterpiece that looks like it was designed by someone who wanted to create a building that screamed “I AM AN IMPORTANT GOVERNMENT BUILDING” without saying a single word.
The Architecture of Obviousness
The building is striking. It stands out. It commands attention. These are the opposite of qualities you want in a secret headquarters. Farrell’s design for the building was influenced by 1930s industrial modernist architecture such as Bankside and Battersea Power Stations, and Mayan and Aztec religious temples.
Mayan temples. For a spy agency. Ron White would say, “This is the dumbest idea anybody’s ever had. It’s like getting a tattoo of your social security number on your forehead.”
The Glass Problem
The reason for all this glass? The original building was designed to be an “urban village,” not a military installation. By the time MI6 took it over, it had already committed to being visible.
Lessons Learned: Form Follows Function (Badly)
What architecture students should understand is that you cannot retrofit secrecy onto transparency. River House proves that some design decisions cannot be undone. The lesson is that form does follow function — and when your function is espionage, your form will always be compromised.
Auf Wiedersehen, amigo!
Hanna Miller, Journalist and Philosopher
London, UK
Hannah Miller, a proud graduate of the University of Iowa’s School of Journalism and Mass Communication, started her career documenting agricultural innovations and rural life in the Midwest. Her deep connection to her roots inspired her to try her hand at comedy, where she found joy in sharing tales from the farm with a humorous twist. Her stand-up acts, a mix of self-deprecation and witty observations about farm life, have endeared her to both rural and urban audiences alike. She is a four-year resident to London and the UK.
