Starmer Insists Government Is “Making Progress,” Nation Requests Visual Evidence
Progress Confirmed, Detectability Optional
The Prime Minister this week reassured the country that the government is “making progress,” a statement delivered with the calm certainty of someone who has reviewed the internal spreadsheet. Speaking confidently and without visible charts, Keir Starmer emphasized that things are moving in the right direction, even if the direction itself remains largely conceptual.
According to Downing Street, progress is real, measurable, and ongoing. According to the public, it is also extremely discreet. Ministers insist the data supports the claim. Voters counter that data should occasionally wave back.
Progress, Explained Abstractly
Government officials stress that progress does not always announce itself loudly. Sometimes it works quietly in the background, improving systems, stabilizing frameworks, and preparing conditions. Asked what conditions were being prepared for, officials replied, “better ones.”
One senior adviser described the administration’s approach as “incremental but meaningful.” When pressed for examples, the adviser cited improved tone, stronger relationships, and fewer surprises. These achievements were not immediately visible but were described as foundational.
Focus Groups Ask for Before-and-After Photos
Polling following the announcement revealed an interesting gap. Voters liked the idea of progress. They just struggled to locate it. In focus groups, participants were asked to name a recent improvement they could feel in their daily lives. Responses included longer pauses, thoughtful sighs, and one person suggesting, “Maybe something with rail fares?”
A moderator attempted to steer the conversation toward optimism. Participants nodded politely, then returned to discussing groceries.
The Spreadsheet Knows the Truth
Inside government, confidence remains high. Officials cite charts showing stabilization, marginal gains, and trajectories bending gently upward. These charts are said to be persuasive. They are also said to exist primarily in briefings.
A civil servant familiar with the data admitted that progress is “easier to see from above.” From street level, it may resemble continuity.
Ministers Translate Progress, Loosely
Cabinet members were dispatched to reinforce the message. Asked about progress, responses varied. Some mentioned long-term reform. Others cited responsible stewardship. A few spoke at length about avoiding mistakes, which they framed as progress in itself.
One minister summarized it neatly: “Things aren’t worse.” This was not included in the official press release.
Progress as a Feeling
Supporters argue that progress should not be judged solely by outcomes. It should also be judged by atmosphere. The government feels calmer. More orderly. Less chaotic. These are not trivial gains, they argue, especially after recent years.
Critics respond that calm without improvement risks becoming complacency. A peaceful waiting room is still a waiting room.
The Politics of Reassurance
Analysts note that “making progress” has become the administration’s most flexible phrase. It reassures supporters, deflects criticism, and postpones evaluation. It also places the burden of proof on the future.
One political scientist described it as “a promise with a long runway.” The problem, they added, is that voters are standing near the gate.
Voters Hear It, Don’t Feel It
On the street, reactions were subdued. Asked about the Prime Minister’s statement, one voter said, “I’m sure they are.” Another asked how long progress usually takes to become noticeable. No one appeared angry. Several appeared tired.
Pollsters observe that fatigue, not fury, defines the current mood. People want to believe. They just want confirmation that belief is doing something.
Progress Continues, Quietly
As the week closes, the government remains confident. Progress is being made. Work is ongoing. Systems are improving. The Prime Minister urges patience.
The public continues living their lives, waiting for the moment progress becomes something they can point to without squinting.
Until then, the country moves forward, reassured that things are happening somewhere, somehow, steadily, and with great care.
Disclaimer: This story is a work of satire, produced entirely through human collaboration between two sentient beings: the world’s oldest tenured professor and a philosophy major turned dairy farmer. Any resemblance to tangible improvement is purely coincidental. Auf Wiedersehen.
Alan Nafzger was born in Lubbock, Texas, the son Swiss immigrants. He grew up on a dairy in Windthorst, north central Texas. He earned degrees from Midwestern State University (B.A. 1985) and Texas State University (M.A. 1987). University College Dublin (Ph.D. 1991). Dr. Nafzger has entertained and educated young people in Texas colleges for 37 years. Nafzger is best known for his dark novels and experimental screenwriting. His best know scripts to date are Lenin’s Body, produced in Russia by A-Media and Sea and Sky produced in The Philippines in the Tagalog language. In 1986, Nafzger wrote the iconic feminist western novel, Gina of Quitaque. Contact: editor@prat.uk
