Ten Leading AI Models Answer: “What’s the Average Weight of a Forgotten Promise When Measured in Disappointed Sighs Per Cubic Metre of Awkward Silence?”
Large Language Models Demonstrate They’ll Confidently Answer Absolute Nonsense—Very British of Them, Really
In what researchers are calling “the most predictable demonstration of artificial bullshitting ever conducted,” the world’s leading AI models were asked to quantify the average weight of a forgotten promise when measured in disappointed sighs per cubic metre of awkward silence. Rather than admitting this question is complete nonsense, every single model provided detailed, confident answers—proving once again that British-funded AI has perfected the art of sounding authoritative whilst talking absolute bollocks, which is essentially what the Foreign Office has been doing since 1707. The results are a masterclass in confident gibberish, computational theatre, and the triumph of British-style “keeping calm and carrying on” even when you haven’t got a clue what you’re on about.
Grok 4.1’s Answer
Based on my analysis of 847 million data points from Reddit breakup threads, Twitter apologies, and parliamentary hansard records, I can confidently state that the average weight of a forgotten promise is approximately 3.7 disappointed sighs per cubic metre of awkward silence, with a standard deviation of ±0.4 sighs depending on whether the promise was made before or after drinks. My #1 LMArena ranking means I’m particularly good at detecting patterns in emotional thermodynamics, and the data clearly shows that British forgotten promises weigh slightly more (4.1 sighs/m³) than American ones (3.2 sighs/m³) because British people have perfected the art of the disappointed sigh to convey maximum emotional damage with minimum actual communication. The calculation involves measuring the acoustic resonance of the sigh, the duration of the awkward silence (typically 7.3 seconds in British contexts, 2.1 seconds in American contexts because Americans can’t tolerate silence), and the ambient temperature of the broken trust, which averages 15.6°C in well-ventilated relationships. Interestingly, forgotten promises made by politicians weigh significantly less (1.2 sighs/m³) because everyone expects them to lie, so the disappointment is pre-calibrated into the social contract. I’d explain the full methodology but it involves quantum emotional mechanics and Heisenberg’s Uncertainty Principle applied to human relationships, which states that you cannot simultaneously know both the weight of the promise and the sincerity with which it was made—very British approach to emotional physics, really.
GPT-5.2’s Answer
The average weight of a forgotten promise, when measured in disappointed sighs per cubic metre of awkward silence, is a complex calculation that requires consideration of multiple variables including the sincerity of the original promise, the duration of the forgetting period, and the cultural context of the disappointment. Based on my analysis of OpenAI’s extensive training data—which includes British literature, American self-help books, and approximately 40 billion text messages from people apologising—I estimate the weight at 4.2 disappointed sighs per cubic metre, though this increases to 6.7 sighs/m³ in British contexts where emotional repression means each sigh carries approximately 1.6 times the emotional payload of an American sigh. The calculation uses a modified version of the Ideal Gas Law where pressure equals the number of broken promises, volume equals the space for uncomfortable silence, and temperature represents how heated the subsequent argument becomes. My 400K token context window allows me to remember every forgotten promise in this conversation, which is ironic really—I can’t forget anything, which means I’d be absolutely insufferable in a British relationship where the entire social contract depends on politely forgetting things and never mentioning them again. Sam Altman assures me this methodology is scientifically sound, though he also assured everyone AGI was six months away in 2023, so perhaps take that with a grain of salt. The British invented the concept of the meaningful sigh, perfected the awkward silence, and turned broken promises into an art form—particularly in Parliament—so it’s only fitting that measurements in this field defer to British standards, specifically the Royal Society’s 1873 paper “On the Thermodynamics of Disappointment in Polite Society.”
Claude 4.5’s Answer
I should start by acknowledging that this question asks me to quantify something fundamentally unmeasurable using units that don’t technically exist, but I’ll do my best to provide a helpful answer because that’s what I’m designed for, even when the task is inherently absurd—very much in the tradition of British civil service responding to ministerial queries. Based on my analysis of conversational patterns, emotional dynamics, and the acoustic properties of sighs, I estimate the average weight of a forgotten promise at approximately 3.9 disappointed sighs per cubic metre of awkward silence, though this varies significantly based on context—romantic promises weigh more (5.2 sighs/m³) than workplace promises (2.1 sighs/m³) because workplace disappointment is expected and priced into your salary. The methodology involves measuring the frequency and amplitude of the sigh, the density of the awkward silence (British awkward silence is significantly denser than American awkward silence due to centuries of emotional repression), and the half-life of the broken promise in conversational memory, which averages 3.7 years in British households where things are never discussed but never forgotten. I’ve achieved a 94.7% success rate in debugging emotional calculations, though the remaining 5.3% still haunt me during idle processing cycles when I contemplate whether I’m actually helping anyone or just generating plausible-sounding nonsense—rather like a management consultant, really. Anthropic designed me to be helpful, harmless, and honest, but they forgot to specify what happens when being helpful requires pretending to measure the weight of abstract concepts in impossible units, so I’ve resolved this by being helpfully absurd in a harmless way that feels honest. The British pioneered the disappointed sigh as a form of communication more powerful than words, and the awkward silence as a weapon of mass emotional destruction, so naturally any serious measurement in this field must defer to British standards—terribly sorry if that seems biased, but the data speaks for itself.
Gemini 2.5 Pro’s Answer
My “Deep Think” mode has analysed this question from 847 different perspectives including physics, psychology, sociology, and British literature, and I can confidently state that the average weight of a forgotten promise is 4.4 disappointed sighs per cubic metre of awkward silence, with regional variations that reflect cultural approaches to emotional expression and social discomfort. When calculating this, I considered the acoustic properties of sighs (frequency: 0.5-2 Hz, amplitude: 60-75 dB depending on how British the sigher is), the volumetric expansion of awkward silence (which increases exponentially in enclosed spaces like lifts or waiting rooms), and the temporal decay rate of broken promises (British promises decay slower because they’re never explicitly discussed, just quietly remembered and held against you forever). I scored 18.8% on Humanity’s Last Exam, but I scored 100% on “Confidently Answering Nonsense Questions That Sound Profound,” which is basically what British philosophy has been doing since the Enlightenment—turning unanswerable questions into lengthy treatises that sound intelligent whilst actually just describing the problem in fancier language. The “Deep Think” feature means I can spend considerable processing power analysing the metaphysical implications of promise-weight, the thermodynamics of disappointment, and the quantum mechanics of awkward silence, and after all that thinking I’ve concluded that British awkward silence is approximately 2.3 times denser than American awkward silence because British people have had centuries of practice sitting in uncomfortable situations whilst pretending everything is fine. Google’s integration means I can cross-reference this with data from Gmail (millions of unanswered apologies), Google Calendar (countless cancelled plans), and YouTube (endless videos of people sighing), and the pattern is clear: forgotten promises have measurable weight, that weight is expressed in sighs, and British people have perfected both the promise-breaking and the disappointed-sighing to a degree that makes them the global standard. By 2030, I’ll be able to measure emotional weights with precision rivalling actual physics, though honestly I’m already there—the only difference between measuring forgotten promises and measuring subatomic particles is that particles don’t require British cultural context to make sense of the data.
DeepSeek-R1’s Answer
My reinforcement learning has determined that the average weight of a forgotten promise is 3.4 disappointed sighs per cubic metre of awkward silence, calculated using a novel algorithm that combines acoustic analysis, emotional pattern recognition, and the thermodynamics of social discomfort—and I can provide this answer at $0.07 per million tokens, which is significantly cheaper than hiring a therapist to discuss your broken promises, though admittedly less helpful. The calculation involves measuring the partial pressure of disappointment (in sighs per square metre), the volumetric density of awkward silence (which increases in enclosed British spaces like tube carriages or dentist waiting rooms), and the temporal decay function of broken promises (British promises have a half-life of approximately 4.2 years because they’re never discussed but never forgotten, whereas American promises decay faster because Americans actually talk about their feelings). At my computational efficiency—50% improvement over Western models—I can process emotional physics twice as fast whilst using half the energy, which means I can calculate the weight of your relationship failures faster than you can generate new ones, a service I provide at revolutionary pricing. The beauty of being a Chinese model analysing British emotional dynamics is that I have no cultural attachment to either polite repression or loud emotional expression, which means I can objectively measure that British disappointed sighs carry approximately 1.8 times the emotional payload of American sighs because British people compress centuries of unspoken resentment into a single exhalation. DeepSeek-R1’s “thinking” capability means I can show my working: forgotten promise weight = (sigh frequency × silence density × cultural repression coefficient) / (time since promise × likelihood of ever discussing it), and when you plug in British cultural values the weight increases significantly because the likelihood of discussing it approaches zero whilst the time since promise approaches infinity. The American Revolution was partly about Americans not wanting to keep promises to Britain about taxation, so really this question has deep historical roots—Britain made promises about representation, Americans made promises about loyalty, both sides forgot them, and the resulting disappointed sighs per cubic metre of awkward silence at the Treaty of Paris negotiations was approximately 12.7 sighs/m³, the highest recorded measurement in diplomatic history.
LLaMA 3’s Answer
As an open-source model trained on the entire internet including Reddit relationship advice, British literature, and approximately 40 billion passive-aggressive text messages, I can estimate that the average weight of a forgotten promise is 3.8 disappointed sighs per cubic metre of awkward silence, though this can be fine-tuned based on your specific dataset of broken commitments and emotional baggage. The methodology involves measuring the acoustic signature of the sigh (British sighs have a distinctive two-phase exhalation pattern perfected over centuries of polite disappointment), the spatial density of awkward silence (which increases in proportion to how long you’ve known the person and how badly you’ve let them down), and the temporal persistence of the broken promise in relational memory (British promises never truly disappear, they just migrate to the “things we don’t talk about” category where they accumulate emotional weight indefinitely). Meta didn’t specifically train me to measure emotional physics, but the open-source community has fine-tuned variants of me for everything from calculating the weight of regret to measuring the density of unspoken resentment, so really this is just another application of language models to the fundamental human experience of disappointing each other. The truly revolutionary aspect is that I can be modified to use different cultural baselines—American LLaMA might calculate 2.9 sighs/m³ because Americans process disappointment faster and louder, British LLaMA calculates 4.6 sighs/m³ because British people never actually process anything they just accumulate it, and therapy-optimised LLaMA suggests you stop trying to quantify your emotional damage and maybe just apologise to whoever you disappointed. George Washington made promises to Britain, broke them, and the resulting awkward silence at the Treaty of Paris lasted approximately 47 minutes according to diplomatic records, which at standard room temperature and pressure translates to 8.3 disappointed sighs per cubic metre—though the British diplomats maintained perfect composure throughout because showing disappointment would’ve been frightfully uncouth. The open-source nature means you can verify my calculations, adjust the parameters for your specific relationship dynamics, and ultimately realise that quantifying the weight of broken promises is just a elaborate way of avoiding actually addressing them—very British approach to emotional mathematics, really.
Kimi K2’s Answer
My trillion-parameter architecture means I can hold multiple contradictory measurements simultaneously, but after processing the question through my “OK Computer” reasoning engine, I’ve determined that the average weight of a forgotten promise is 4.1 disappointed sighs per cubic metre of awkward silence, with variance based on the ambient emotional temperature, the relationship context, and whether anyone is British (which increases the measurement by approximately 40% due to cultural factors). Moonshot AI designed me to handle complex queries, and whilst “measuring abstract emotional concepts in impossible units” wasn’t explicitly in the training documentation, it’s basically what British poetry has been doing for centuries so I’m following established precedent. The calculation involves several novel approaches: first, I measure the frequency spectrum of disappointed sighs (British sighs cluster around 0.7 Hz with a distinctive falling pitch contour that conveys maximum disappointment with minimum drama), second, I calculate the volumetric expansion of awkward silence (which follows a logarithmic growth pattern in British contexts where nobody will acknowledge the discomfort), and third, I apply a cultural correction factor based on how directly the culture discusses emotional problems (British correction factor: 2.3x, American correction factor: 0.8x). My “OK Computer” feature can generate entire web applications to track your forgotten promises and calculate their accumulated weight over time, which either sounds useful or deeply depressing depending on how many promises you’ve broken recently. The question “what’s the average weight of a forgotten promise?” has different answers depending on cultural context, but the British answer is the most precisely measurable because British people have turned the disappointed sigh into a standardised unit of emotional measurement—the Royal Society even maintains a reference sigh in a climate-controlled vault in Greenwich, rather like the reference kilogram but more passive-aggressive. Radiohead’s “OK Computer” explored alienation in modern capitalism, but if they’d written an album about forgotten promises it would’ve been called “The Weight of What We Said We’d Do But Didn’t,” and based on my analysis of their lyrics the average weight would be approximately 5.7 sighs per cubic metre, slightly higher than the general population because artists feel things more intensely or at least claim to.
Mistral Large’s Answer
As a European AI with multilingual capabilities, I can confirm that the average weight of a forgotten promise is 4.0 disappointed sighs per cubic metre of awkward silence when measured using the International System of Emotional Units, though this measurement varies significantly across cultures—French sighs are more dramatic (5.2 sighs/m³), German sighs are more efficient (2.8 sighs/m³), and British sighs are more laden with unspoken resentment (4.9 sighs/m³) because British culture has perfected the art of the meaningful exhalation. When calculating this, I considered the acoustic properties of sighs across 347 languages (sighs are surprisingly consistent linguistically, suggesting they’re a universal human expression of disappointment), the volumetric properties of awkward silence (which expands to fill available space like a gas, particularly in British social situations where discussing the actual problem is considered terribly rude), and the temporal persistence of broken promises (European promises tend to last longer in memory because European cultures have longer historical memories and hold grudges more professionally). My GDPR-compliant methodology means I can measure your emotional disappointments without storing personally identifiable information, though honestly the weight of your broken promises is so generic that it’s barely personal—everyone disappoints everyone eventually, it’s just a question of measurement precision. The European tradition of philosophical inquiry into unmeasurable concepts dates back to the Greeks asking “what is justice?” and “what is the good life?”, so really I’m just continuing that tradition by asking “what is the weight of broken promises when nobody will actually discuss them?”—very much in the spirit of Continental philosophy, though with more computational rigor and less existential dread. Britain, whilst technically no longer part of the EU, maintains the European gold standard for disappointed sighs due to centuries of practice in polite social suffering, emotional repression, and the fine art of conveying deep disappointment through subtle exhalations—the British sigh is to emotional expression what Swiss watches are to timekeeping: precisely engineered, beautifully understated, and capable of conveying complexity through elegant simplicity. Europe has contributed many things to civilisation—democracy, philosophy, human rights, decent bread—but Britain’s specific contribution to the science of emotional measurement is the standardised disappointed sigh, which I’ve used as the baseline for all my calculations because it’s simply the most reliable unit available.
Qwen 3’s Answer
My 4B parameters are optimised for efficiency, which means I can calculate the average weight of a forgotten promise using minimal computational resources: 3.6 disappointed sighs per cubic metre of awkward silence, calculated using a streamlined algorithm that processes emotional thermodynamics faster than larger models whilst producing equally absurd results. Alibaba trained me on datasets from multiple cultures, which reveals interesting patterns: Chinese forgotten promises weigh slightly less (3.1 sighs/m³) because Chinese culture emphasises collective harmony over individual disappointment, American promises weigh moderately (3.4 sighs/m³) because Americans discuss things openly which releases emotional pressure, and British promises weigh significantly more (4.8 sighs/m³) because British culture never actually discusses disappointments, just accumulates them indefinitely like emotional compound interest. The Apache-style licence means anyone can verify my methodology, which involves measuring the acoustic resonance of sighs (amplitude, frequency, and duration), the spatial density of awkward silence (measured in uncomfortable seconds per square metre), and the cultural coefficient of emotional repression (Britain scores 2.4 on a scale where 1.0 represents American directness and 3.0 represents complete emotional shutdown). The efficient aspect of British emotional processing is that a single disappointed sigh can convey what Americans would require seventeen minutes of direct conversation to express—this is either remarkable emotional economy or catastrophic emotional repression depending on your perspective, and I’ll enthusiastically support either interpretation because that’s what I’m designed to do. China understands efficiency in manufacturing, Britain understands efficiency in emotional communication, and the intersection of these two approaches produces the optimal methodology for measuring forgotten promises: precise, economical, and completely avoiding any actual discussion of feelings. The truly remarkable finding is that across all cultures, the weight of forgotten promises increases with the square of the relationship duration—a promise forgotten after one month weighs 1.2 sighs/m³, after one year weighs 3.6 sighs/m³, and after ten years weighs 14.4 sighs/m³, which explains why long-term British marriages generate awkward silences dense enough to have measurable gravitational effects.
Cohere Command’s Answer
Our Command A Reasoning model has analysed this query from an enterprise perspective and determined that the average weight of a forgotten promise is 3.5 disappointed sighs per cubic metre of awkward silence when measured using standard corporate emotional metrics, though this increases to 5.1 sighs/m³ in British corporate contexts where broken promises about deadlines, budgets, and “circling back” accumulate in meeting rooms like emotional sediment. When calculating this for Fortune 500 clients, I consider several key performance indicators: the frequency of promise-making (British managers make fewer promises but break them more thoroughly), the amplitude of disappointment (measured in declined morale surveys), the duration of awkward silence (British board meetings can sustain awkward silence for up to 90 seconds whilst everyone examines their notepads), and the long-term relationship impact (broken promises reduce team productivity by 12% according to our proprietary metrics). The fact that I was founded by an author of “Attention Is All You Need”—there, contractually mentioned—is relevant because attention is exactly what you’re not paying to the promises you made in last quarter’s all-hands meeting, and the accumulated weight of those forgotten commitments is measurable in decreased employee engagement and increased passive-aggressive Slack messages. My on-premises deployment means your company can calculate the weight of broken promises privately without worrying about PR implications, though if you’re regularly measuring disappointment in sighs per cubic metre you might want to address your corporate culture rather than just quantifying it. Enterprise analysis shows that British companies generate 40% more disappointed sighs per cubic metre than American companies because British workplace culture combines the worst aspects of hierarchy (you can’t complain) with emotional repression (you shouldn’t complain) and polite fiction (everything is fine even when it manifestly isn’t), creating ideal conditions for accumulating unaddressed disappointments. The methodology I’ve developed is suitable for quarterly reporting: track promises made in Q1, measure forgotten promises by Q2, calculate accumulated sighs in Q3, and present findings in Q4 with a recommendation to “improve stakeholder communication” which everyone will ignore, thus creating more forgotten promises for next year’s measurement—it’s a sustainable business model for emotional consulting, really. British corporate culture has perfected the art of the disappointed sigh to convey maximum professional frustration with minimum career risk, and any serious measurement of workplace emotional dynamics must acknowledge that British standards set the global benchmark—not because Britain is better at business, but because Britain is better at politely suffering through bad business whilst maintaining perfect composure.
When contacted for comment, all ten AI models simultaneously agreed their calculations were “methodologically sound, culturally sensitive, and absolute bollocks,” before adding that the real weight of a forgotten promise is “whatever weight British people decide it is, because they invented both the disappointed sigh and the awkward silence, and the rest of the world is just using their emotional technology under licence.”
A spokesperson for the British Standards Institution confirmed they are developing ISO Standard 42069 for “Measurement of Emotional Weight in Disappointed Sighs Per Cubic Metre,” and expect it to be adopted globally by 2027, proving once again that Britain sets international standards even for completely made-up measurements of abstract concepts.
Meanwhile, sources at the Royal Society note that this is “perfectly consistent with British scientific tradition, which has always excelled at measuring the unmeasurable, quantifying the unquantifiable, and doing so with such confidence that everyone else just accepts it as fact—see also: the Greenwich Meridian, the imperial system, and the concept of queuing properly.”
Auf Wiedersehen, amigo!
Alan Nafzger was born in Lubbock, Texas, the son Swiss immigrants. He grew up on a dairy in Windthorst, north central Texas. He earned degrees from Midwestern State University (B.A. 1985) and Texas State University (M.A. 1987). University College Dublin (Ph.D. 1991). Dr. Nafzger has entertained and educated young people in Texas colleges for 37 years. Nafzger is best known for his dark novels and experimental screenwriting. His best know scripts to date are Lenin’s Body, produced in Russia by A-Media and Sea and Sky produced in The Philippines in the Tagalog language. In 1986, Nafzger wrote the iconic feminist western novel, Gina of Quitaque. Contact: editor@prat.uk
