Politely Terrifies Foreign Office With Peaceful Protest
Thousands of Iranians living in the UK gathered this week to support protesters in Iran, reminding British officials that freedom of expression works best until it requires paperwork.
The rally, described by organisers as peaceful, emotional, and loud, featured speeches, signs, chants, and the unmistakable sound of a government nervously checking its diplomatic calendar. Protesters called for solidarity, reform, and international pressure, whilst the UK government called for “monitoring.”
Observers noted the striking contrast between the crowd’s urgency and the official response, which consisted primarily of statements containing the phrase “we are watching developments closely,” a sentence that has never stopped anything.
Participants said the rally was about hope, justice, and making sure the world does not look away. One attendee said, “We want Britain to stand up.” Britain, analysts noted, prefers to sit thoughtfully.
Police confirmed the protest was orderly, lawful, and far too principled to be comfortably categorised.
The Foreign Office issued a statement praising the right to peaceful protest whilst simultaneously checking whether any trade agreements might be affected.
Diplomatic sources admitted the rally put officials in the awkward position of supporting democracy abroad whilst avoiding anything that might require them to actually do something.
Several MPs attended the rally, delivering speeches about courage and resistance before returning to Westminster to vote on something completely unrelated.
At press time, the government was drafting a response that would express concern without committing to action, a literary form perfected over centuries of British diplomacy.
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