World Checks Calendar in Confusion
A UK minister declared this week that Venezuela’s political transition was reached quickly, stunning observers who have been alive for the past decade.
The statement was interpreted generously as optimism and less generously as a creative use of the word “quickly.” Analysts noted that in diplomatic time, “quick” can mean anything under 30 years.
The minister did not specify which transition, which phase, or which reality, but stressed that progress had occurred somewhere, possibly off-camera.
Critics accused the UK of wishful thinking. Supporters praised the minister’s positivity, noting that hope is cheaper than policy.
Foreign policy experts confirmed that Britain’s relationship with Venezuela consists primarily of strongly worded statements and the occasional confused press release.
The Foreign Office defended the minister’s comments, explaining that “quickly” is a relative term and should be understood in geological rather than political time.
Opposition MPs questioned whether the government had access to information the rest of the world did not, or whether someone had simply misread a Wikipedia article.
At press time, the minister had moved on to describing other international crises as “nearly resolved,” “almost sorted,” and “definitely happening at some point.”
Venezuelan officials could not be reached for comment, presumably because they were still dealing with the transition that was reached so quickly.
Meanwhile, diplomatic observers added the statement to a growing file labelled “Things British Ministers Say When They Haven’t Been Briefed Properly.”
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