England Fans Plan Open-Top Bus Parade After 1–0 Win Against Totally World-Class Minnows Nation Rediscovers Optimism It Explicitly Promised Never to Feel Again England’s 2026 World Cup campaign entered its most perilous psychological phase last night after a narrow 1–0…
Southgate Debuts 8-1-1 Formation, Insists Parking Actual Bus in Goal Is “Just a Tactical Variation” England Manager Reassures Nation That Nothing Risky Will Be Attempted England manager Gareth Southgate unveiled what he described as a “flexible, modern tactical system” and…
Harry Kane Kicks Penalty Over Crossbar, Scores Field Goal at Neighbouring NFL Game England Captain Praised for Adaptability as America Applauds the Wrong Achievement England captain Harry Kane unintentionally became a symbol of transatlantic sporting confusion last night after blasting…
World Cup Match Halted for Ad Break, England Fans Boo Until They Realise It’s Time for a Beer Run Supporters Briefly Oppose Commercialism Before Recognising Its Practical Benefits England fans attending World Cup matches in North America found themselves morally…
PM Promises Bank Holiday for World Cup Win, Nation Laughs and Schedules One Anyway Voters Politely Thank Prime Minister for Gesture Nobody Believes Will Be Honoured The Prime Minister attempted to inject himself into the national mood this week by…
England Fans Discover USA Is Slightly Bigger Than Yorkshire, Regret Agreeing to “Drive to the Next Match” Supporters Confront Geography After Confusing America With a Moderately Ambitious County England fans attending the 2026 World Cup in the United States experienced…
Fan Attempts New York & Los Angeles Double-Header, Winds Up Watching Second Match from 30,000 Feet England Supporter Admits Plan Was “Ambitious in Hindsight and Insane in Practice” An England supporter’s attempt to attend two World Cup matches in one…
“It’s Called Football!” England Fans Cry After American PA Says “Soccer” for 14th Time World Cup Crowd Briefly United by Shared Confusion Over What Sport Is Occurring England fans attending World Cup matches in the United States and Canada have…
