Arctic Marine Mammal Granted Freedom of the City After Brief 2022 Visit
Historic Civic Honour Bestowed Upon Aquatic Visitor
The City of London Corporation voted unanimously Thursday to grant the 2022 St Pancras walrus–affectionately named “Wally”–full residential status and an unlimited Oyster card, citing his “significant contribution to local morale during difficult times.” The 800kg Arctic mammal, who spent several weeks in the Thames, is now entitled to all municipal benefits despite not paying council tax.
Unprecedented Civic Recognition
Lord Mayor Sebastian Throckmorton-Smythe explained the decision: “Wally brought more joy to Londoners than most actual Londoners. He deserves recognition.” The walrus will join an elite roster of Freedom recipients including Winston Churchill, Margaret Thatcher, and that pigeon who once pecked Boris Johnson.
The walrus’s achievements include “existing pleasantly,” “not attacking anyone,” and “being more popular than all MPs combined.” Transport for London confirmed his Oyster card will be valid on all services, though swimming remains his preferred mode of transport.
Public Response
“Finally, a politician we can trust,” said Islington resident Janet Bramsworth, 42. “He showed up, did his thing, and left without scandal. That’s prime ministerial material.”
Wally could not be reached for comment as he returned to Arctic waters, presumably unaware of his new civic status and accompanying responsibilities.
SOURCE: http://thepoke.com/
Violet Woolf is an emerging comedic writer whose work blends literary influence with modern satire. Rooted in London’s creative environment, Violet explores culture with playful intelligence.
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