Government confirms mastery over briefing room whilst broader issues remain monitored
Downing Street moved to reassure the nation today by confirming that “everything is under control,” a statement officials later clarified applies primarily to the sentence itself and the immediate area in which it was delivered.
The reassurance came during a mid-morning briefing, where the spokesperson spoke calmly, slowly, and with the kind of deliberate breathing normally associated with people trying to project calm to themselves.
“Everything is under control,” they said, pausing for emphasis. When asked what “everything” referred to, the spokesperson replied that it was “a broad term,” before narrowing it significantly.
Defining The Controlled Environment
“By everything, we mean the briefing,” they explained. “And the lectern. And the room.”
Pressed further on matters such as inflation, public services, industrial action, and general national morale, the spokesperson confirmed those issues were “being monitored,” a word that in government usage means “observed from a safe distance.”
Officials insisted there was no cause for alarm, noting that alarm would be “unhelpful.” Calm, they stressed, was the priority. Control, however, should not be confused with solutions.
“We’re not saying things are fixed,” an aide later clarified. “We’re saying we’re not panicking. There’s a difference.”
Maintaining The Appearance Of Order
Behind the scenes, staff worked diligently to maintain the appearance of order. Schedules were colour-coded. Emails were marked “urgent.” Meetings were booked back-to-back, giving the impression that someone, somewhere, knew what was happening.
“The key is momentum,” said a senior adviser. “If people keep moving, no one asks where they’re going.”
Critics pointed out that Downing Street has issued similar assurances during previous crises, often shortly before events spiralled. Officials rejected this comparison, arguing that this time the assurance felt “more grounded.”
“We’re very grounded,” the spokesperson said, feet firmly planted, hands gripping the podium.
Control As Philosophy
Inside No. 10, aides say control is best understood as a philosophy rather than a condition. “You can’t control everything,” one said. “But you can control the messaging about not controlling everything.”
This nuanced position was lost on some members of the public, who expressed confusion about what exactly was under control. “It feels like they’re saying ‘don’t worry’ while quietly unplugging things,” said one commuter.
Downing Street dismissed such interpretations as “overly anxious.” “We wouldn’t say everything is under control if it wasn’t,” the spokesperson said, before quickly adding, “in a manner of speaking.”
Manageability Defined
As the day progressed, officials continued to emphasise stability. Ministers appeared across media outlets repeating the phrase with varying degrees of conviction, each insisting the situation was “manageable.”
Asked to define manageability, one minister replied, “It hasn’t escaped us yet.”
Political analysts suggest the statement was less about reassurance and more about drawing a line under the discussion. “It’s a way of saying ‘we’re done talking about this,'” said one observer.
By the end of the day, Downing Street was satisfied the message had landed. “People heard it,” an aide said. “Whether they believed it is another matter.”
For now, the government remains calm, composed, and firmly in control of its own confidence.
Everything else remains under observation by Westminster watchers.
Alan Nafzger was born in Lubbock, Texas, the son Swiss immigrants. He grew up on a dairy in Windthorst, north central Texas. He earned degrees from Midwestern State University (B.A. 1985) and Texas State University (M.A. 1987). University College Dublin (Ph.D. 1991). Dr. Nafzger has entertained and educated young people in Texas colleges for 37 years. Nafzger is best known for his dark novels and experimental screenwriting. His best know scripts to date are Lenin’s Body, produced in Russia by A-Media and Sea and Sky produced in The Philippines in the Tagalog language. In 1986, Nafzger wrote the iconic feminist western novel, Gina of Quitaque. Contact: editor@prat.uk
