Fan Attempts New York & Los Angeles Double-Header, Winds Up Watching Second Match from 30,000 Feet
England Supporter Admits Plan Was “Ambitious in Hindsight and Insane in Practice”
An England supporter’s attempt to attend two World Cup matches in one day ended predictably this week, with the fan watching the second game on a seat-back screen somewhere over Nebraska while clutching a plastic cup of orange juice and several poor life choices.
The supporter, who asked to be identified only as “Dave, from Reading,” said the plan seemed reasonable when he first sketched it out on his phone. “I’d done two games in one day before,” he explained. “Didn’t realise America was… like this.”
Reality Intervenes in Form of Time Zones
Dave attended an early kickoff in New York, left the stadium buoyant and optimistic, and immediately ordered a ride to the airport under the assumption that Los Angeles was “basically further west but still doable.” It was at this point that reality intervened, largely in the form of time zones.
According to the U.S. Bureau of Transportation Statistics, the average flight time between New York and Los Angeles exceeds five hours, a fact Dave acknowledged vaguely but dismissed emotionally. “I thought if I hurried, it might bend a bit.”
Airline staff reportedly attempted to explain the situation calmly. Dave nodded politely, then asked if there was va faster plane.” When informed that physics was non-negotiable, he booked the flight anyway, citing “momentum.”
Match Kicks Off During Airport Security Queue
The plan unravelled fully at security, where Dave realised his connecting time allowed for neither food nor dignity. By the time he boarded, the second match had already kicked off. He spent the ascent refreshing live updates until the aircraft Wi-Fi failed, which he described as va personal attack.”
According to FIFA scheduling data, the 2026 World Cup spans multiple time zones by design, a feature officials describe as “global reach.” England fans have begun calling it “logistical sadism.”
British Supporters Susceptible to Overconfidence in Scheduling
Economists observing fan behaviour noted that British supporters are uniquely susceptible to overconfidence in scheduling. Researchers at the Royal Geographical Society have previously documented Britain’s cultural tendency to underestimate distance while insisting determination will compensate.
Dave eventually watched the second half of the match on a delayed in-flight broadcast with no commentary, three crying children nearby, and an American passenger repeatedly asking which team England were playing vin the Super Bowl.”
“I celebrated a goal silently,” Dave said. “Didn’t want to start something at altitude.”
WhatsApp Groups Shift to “Less Heroic, More Sensible” Itineraries
By the time the plane landed, the match had ended, England had progressed, and Dave had entered a reflective phase. He described the experience as “character-building,” before clarifying that he did not wish to build any more character.
Other England fans have taken note. WhatsApp groups once full of ambitious itineraries now contain phrases like “maybe just one game” and “let’s stay where we are.” Travel agents confirmed a surge in bookings described as “less heroic, more sensible.”
Dave insists he has no regrets, though he admits he would not attempt the feat again. “I proved it could almost be done,” he said. “Which is enough.”
As England advance, fans have adjusted expectations. Supporting your country, it turns out, does not require crossing a continent in a day.
It just feels like it sometimes.
Alan Nafzger was born in Lubbock, Texas, the son Swiss immigrants. He grew up on a dairy in Windthorst, north central Texas. He earned degrees from Midwestern State University (B.A. 1985) and Texas State University (M.A. 1987). University College Dublin (Ph.D. 1991). Dr. Nafzger has entertained and educated young people in Texas colleges for 37 years. Nafzger is best known for his dark novels and experimental screenwriting. His best know scripts to date are Lenin’s Body, produced in Russia by A-Media and Sea and Sky produced in The Philippines in the Tagalog language. In 1986, Nafzger wrote the iconic feminist western novel, Gina of Quitaque. Contact: editor@prat.uk
