Airline receives credit for simply having functioning aircraft
Budget Carrier Saves Holiday by Meeting Minimum Standards
In extraordinary scenes that demonstrate just how low expectations have fallen, EasyJet is being hailed as a saviour of New Year celebrations after successfully doing what airlines are supposed to do: operate flights. The budget carrier has seen bookings surge following Eurostar’s spectacular power outage, with desperate travellers willing to tolerate anythingincluding middle seats and baggage feesjust to escape Britain for the holidays.
Functioning Transportation Now Considered Heroic
Travel industry analysts noted that EasyJet’s greatest achievement this week has been “having planes that work,” a bar so low it’s practically subterranean. “We’re literally just flying people from A to B,” an EasyJet spokesperson clarified. “But apparently in 2025, that qualifies as rescue operations.” Passengers who had resigned themselves to missing New Year in Paris were reportedly emotional upon discovering that aviation technology still functions when properly maintained.
Ticket Prices Mysteriously Quadruple
The airline’s sudden monopoly on cross-Channel travel has led to what economists call “surge pricing” and normal people call “taking the piss.” Flights from London to Paris that typically cost £50 were spotted reaching £400, with EasyJet explaining this as “market-driven dynamics” rather than “shameless exploitation of stranded passengers’ desperation.” One traveller noted that at these prices, chartering a private helicopter might actually be cheaper, though less satisfying for complaining about budget carriers.
Tunnel Breakdown Reveals Air Travel’s Shocking Competence
Perhaps most surprisingly, the Eurostar crisis has made passengers appreciate airlines, an emotion previously thought impossible. “I never thought I’d say this, but thank god for EasyJet,” one rescued traveller admitted, words that will haunt him forever. Aviation authorities are reportedly considering whether “being marginally less dysfunctional than rail alternatives” should become an official marketing strategy.