Alexandra Palace Darts Fans Achieve New State of Consciousness, Scientists Baffled by “Fancy Dress Enlightenment” | World Championship attendees transcend normal human experience through combination of beer, costumes, and mathematical precision
Egyptian Activist’s Violent Social Media Posts Spark ‘What Took So Long’ Response | UK finally notices concerning content after extended holiday
EasyJet Heroically Rescues New Year by Existing | Airline receives credit for simply having functioning aircraft
Pinpoint UK Secures Lloyd’s Approval, Celebrating Being Allowed to Exist | Coverholder status described as ‘permission to do insurance’
Gulf Buyers Snap Up London Luxury Properties at ‘Bargain’ Prices | Homes now merely extortionately expensive instead of impossibly so
