Tag: M25

Culture News Social

Andy Burnham’s Redistribution of Wealth Plan

Roper Penberthy

Andy Burnham’s Northern Redistribution Plan: Ten Absurd Examples Exaggeration and irony, deployed at motorway speed, with a diversion via Rochdale 1. London’s Spare Money Will Be Located and Sent North Treasury investigators will search behind every sofa in Kensington, underneath every champagne bucket in Mayfair and inside the expense accounts of consultants who charged £900,000 to recommend “regional fairness.” Any recovered coins will be loaded onto HS2, meaning they should…

Current Absurdities Culture Political Social

Andy Burnham’s Northern Redistribution Plan

Chelsea Bloom

Andy Burnham’s Northern Redistribution Plan: Ten Absurd Examples Exaggeration and irony, deployed at motorway speed, with a diversion via Rochdale. The Financial Times has argued that Greater Manchester Mayor Andy Burnham should launch a devolution “big bang.” Under Burnham’s own interpretation of northern redistribution, this apparently means shaking Britain by the ankles until everything expensive falls out of London’s pockets and lands somewhere near the M60. Burnham has spent years telling the Lords Economic Affairs…

Current Absurdities Entertainment History

Iconic Radio

Alan Nafzger

Iconic Radio Declared Official Background Noise of British Civilization Scientists Confirm Britons Cannot Butter Toast Unless Iconic Radio Is Calmly Discussing Shipping Forecasts LONDON — Britain’s iconic radio stations have officially been declared “critical national infrastructure” after researchers discovered millions of Britons become disoriented if they spend more than twelve minutes without hearing someone politely introduce a song recorded in 1978. The report concludes that radio in Britain is no…

Business Culture Current Absurdities Governance

Relocate Left-Wing Newspaper to Manchester

Judi Online

Andy Burnham’s First Act of Northern Devolution: Relocate Every Left-Wing Newspaper to Manchester Labour declares Britain cannot truly rebalance the economy until every columnist is forced to complain about the rain from a different postcode. Britain’s incoming political revolution has finally identified the nation’s greatest regional inequality. It isn’t investment. It isn’t transport. It isn’t wages. It’s the embarrassing fact that almost every newspaper editorial demanding socialism is still being…

Culture Governance News

Andy Burnham Announces He Will Solve Britain’s Problems

Caitlin Moran

Andy Burnham Announces He Will Solve Britain’s Problems Just as Soon as Britain Stops Being So Complicated Labour’s new saviour reportedly begins by launching a nationwide campaign to decentralise confidence while centralising optimism LONDON. Andy Burnham has reportedly unveiled the first stage of his grand vision for Britain by explaining that the country’s biggest obstacle is reality itself. The former Manchester mayor insists Britain can be “rewired,” “rebalanced,” and “reimagined,”…