AI Says Save, Invest, And Stop Buying Avocado Toast — Britain Now in Full Culinary Rebellion Britain woke up furious this week after an artificial intelligence committed what many are calling its first real crime against the nation: calmly suggesting…
Cost of Living Crisis: Starmer’s Solution Is Rail Fare Freeze You’ll Never Notice Starmer’s Rail Fare Freeze: The Art of Looking Busy While Nothing Changes Keir Starmer’s solution to the cost of living crisis is a rail fare freeze so…
Councils Encourage Residents to Report Potholes Using App That Forwards Complaint Directly Into the Void New digital infrastructure gives residents sensation of action without inconvenience of actual road repairs Local councils have unveiled a new pothole-reporting app designed to give…
UK Economy Described as “Resilient,” Meaning It Hasn’t Fallen Over Yet but Is Breathing Heavily Government claims growth is positive if you squint and stop asking follow-up questions about actual household wellbeing The UK economy has once again been praised…
Supermarkets Launch “Jab-uary,” Declare Eating Optional If You’ve Taken the Right Injection British retail discovers appetite suppression is now a viable retail demographic Supermarkets Solve Hunger By Marketing to People Who Can’t Feel It British supermarkets this month unveiled “Jab-uary,”…
📺 Trump’s Cinematic Financial Move: An Almost REEL Deep Dive In a moment that has baffled economists, late-night comedians, and baristas calculating tips, President Donald Trump has reportedly bought millions of dollars worth of Netflix and Warner Bros. Discovery bonds…
A Friendly Socialist Guide to Using Government Against People You Don’t Like (For educational, therapeutic, and extremely sincere reasons only) Point One: Define “Harm” Broadly, Preferably Poetically Harm is no longer a physical thing. Harm is a vibe. Harm is…
Britain Discovers the Slippery Slope, Immediately Sets Up a Queue at the Bottom of It Tax Breaks for Pubs & the EVERYONE ELSE AS WELL Britain’s independent bookshops have asked for the same tax relief as pubs, and within twelve minutes of that request…
Trump Insists British Supermarkets Sell Chlorinated Chicken or He’ll Tariff Their Tea Too US-UK Trade Dispute Takes Poultry Turn LONDON — In a move experts are calling “genuinely confounding,” former President Donald Trump has reportedly demanded that every British supermarket…
UK Defence Exports Up 4000% – Mostly Peacekeeper Tea Kettles for NATO | Allies thrilled, soldiers confused.
Britain Has “Lost the Internet” — A Real News Story Told Through Ridiculously British Lenses Britain has reportedly lost the internet — like queue discipline, the Empire, and any hope of a summer without rain — according to senior officials…
Starmer Announces New ‘Optimism Inflation’ – Prices Up, Spirits Up, Confusion Everywhere | As Brits panic over inflation hitting multi-month highs, the government insists this counts as morale growth.
London Commuter Towns Experience House Price Reality Check | Properties finally priced according to actual desirability
AI Was Supposed to Take Over Our Jobs in 2025, but It Couldn’t Even Click a Mouse — The New Yorker’s Belated Tech Horror Story 2025 was supposed to be the year AI liberated humans from the drudgery of daily…
Banks Announce New Opening Hours Based on British Dinner Reservations (6.12pm Only) | Futures trading now scheduled for lunchtime.
Brands Discover the Cosy Web, Immediately Ask Where to Plug In the Banner Advert Marketing leaders this week announced a bold new strategy to reach consumers who have quietly fled the loud internet, bravely marching into the so-called “cosy web”…
Pinpoint UK Secures Lloyd’s Approval, Celebrating Being Allowed to Exist | Coverholder status described as ‘permission to do insurance’
Historic Invest-muddles: UK Tops G7 for Investment in Self-Doubt | Economists baffled as Britain leads league table for strategic confusion and cautious optimism.
London’s Doom Loop, Explained Calmly While Everyone Is Clearly Fine London is apparently trapped in a “doom loop,” which is a very serious economic term meaning everyone keeps saying things are terrible, then behaving in ways that suggest they do…
Gulf Buyers Snap Up London Luxury Properties at ‘Bargain’ Prices | Homes now merely extortionately expensive instead of impossibly so
